Another Transition

This Sunday I'll be moving to begin my new job. How do I feel about this? I'm actually still sorting that out. I should probably get it in my mind real soon that this is a reality - I will move down there, begin lesson planning again, start at a new church, meet new people, new students, new teachers, new pastors, etc. all while adjusting to a new room in a new home in an unknown land. Thankfully this unknown land is fairly small and nearby are people I do actually know.

The idea of having new students; however, has got me the most troubled. Tomorrow I get to teach roughly 14 of my old students how to make shrimp alfredo (I'm still learning it myself), and I am super excited for this. Why? Because I miss my former students. I miss their attitudes, their personalities, playing basketball with them, carrying on about life with them (what is good and bad in this world), etc. Most of all, I miss not being there to love them. It's hard to deal with a position that is temporary. And that is exactly the new position I will be in again. I don't want new students and I certainly don't want to grow attached to them only to leave them in the dust for a new position in a different area. It is so hard to leave the ones you love. It's even harder when you leave roughly one hundred of them all at the same time.

As I said before, this is my reality, and I need to adjust. Just because I know I will inevitably leave my students does not mean that I should withhold love from them. It makes the leaving tougher, but the experience all the better. I need to intentionally get ready and stop dilly-dallying around pretending it won't happen.

In other news, I don't want to play God by predicting/planning my future, but I think the next realistic step after this school year is over is to teach in America before moving on to some place else (such as T). There are reasons for this - such as having a fancier name for my certification and also obtaining a master's degree. Also, I know I'm called to teach, but I'm just not so sure about missions still. Teaching is clearly my passion. Missions are a desire, but just not as strong of a desire. What does it all mean? Am I resistant to going or is my participation in missions to be less of a "goer" and more of a sender/mobilizer? That, we shall find out as God reveals in the future.

A Short Compliation of Quotes from "Da Hill"

D: "I can't take off my hoodie! My house caught on fire and my shirt underneath as a huge hole in the back ... I swear."
Later...."What? You're just yelling at me cuz I'm light skinned."

C: "I'm gonna ax Mr. So-and-so for some help."
A: "Why you be actin like Miss D ain't a good teacher?"

A: "Yo, Miss D, that triangle you made is hype!"

S: "Miss D, are you a virgin?"

"Can I get extra credit for doing this worksheet?"
"No."

"How about this one?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in at lunch?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in after school?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in for tutoring?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for doing community volunteer work?"
"No, you just get a good feeling inside." :-D

"I have an announcement to make!"
D: "You're pregnant?"
"NO!"

I wrote "W.T.S." on the projector.
A: "You be teachin us to swear, Miss D? Like, 'What the beep'?"
"No! It's 'Want to show'"
A: "Yeah, okay. I be tellin my mom you teachin us to swear in class!"

P: "Miss D, who makes more money - street pharmacists or strippers?"

P: "Miss D, you can't fight?"
"No"
J: "So, what would you do if someone hit you?"
"I'd pray. God's a lot more powerful than my scrawny muscles, dontcha think?"
K: "What would you do if we beat you up?" *smile

P: "Miss D, do you want to know how to get cell phones through metal detectors?"
"Sure."
P: "Well, you have to wrap it in three layers of thick leather. It works for cell phones, ipods, knives - anything!"
"So, that's what you do when you bring knives into school?"
P: "Not anymore." *smile

So, K, are you going to be this annoying sitting in the front row every day? *K shook his head yes. Here's an indication he was telling the truth:
K, give me my sunglasses back!
K, where's my transparency?
K, give me my marker back.
K, give me my teacher's edition back. Now.

C: "I'm actually kinda sad you're leavin."
"Why's that?"
C: "Because now class isn't going to be fun. We won't get to goof off at all! And, we're just going to get busy work now."

J singing a song: "I'm a lit-tle girl in a big, big world. My name is Miss Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
(Note: she also wrote this on the top of the board and made me jump to erase it.)

Holla Back At Me (Alternative Names)

• Miss Day-Line!
• Put de line in the coconut! *singing
  
• Baby Dee!
• Sister D!
• Miss DeLingo, I mean, Miss DeLino...wait, what is it?
• Okay, Miss DeSquare
  
• Mz DeLizzle
• Mz DeLittle
  

Unfortunately not all of the best quotes are represented as it's hard to keep track in a school like da Hill, but it's a light taste of my life this fall. I hope you enjoyed it :-)

Too Expressive

Many of the students I have, particularly my seniors, are very expressive in all areas of their lives. They don't hold anything back! And while that's one thing I love about them, it's also one thing I can't stand. It's good when they're telling me what they don't understand or they give me suggestions on how I can teach better (when they're being polite about it). However, it's not so good when they complain. In fact, it's been driving me crazy lately!

And now I shall vent (read if you please...but I warned you).

Today was a test day and the two days prior were review days. These are the complaints I heard on Wednesday and Thursday:

"Two days?! How can we review in only two days?"

"We didn't have enough quizzes, you should have quizzed us after every other section."
My response to this one: "Well, maybe. But in college, you may only have 3 tests and those are your whole grade! This is helping prepare you for college."
Their response back: "College! Don't give us that! We're in high school right now so don't treat us like college students."

"We can't use our notes on the test? Then why did we take them? We have to fit all of this info on just one sheet of paper for tomorrow?"

"How can I remember all of this? It's crazy!" (and for the record, it wasn't that much information)

Shocked? So am I. Even after 12 weeks of being here, I'm still shocked that they can complain so much. Not only that, but I reminded them that it was their review day and that they were wasting their own time. They can't handle taking responsibility for their own education and so they throw it in my face (or any teacher who pushes them) and play the blame game.

During the test I heard comments such as:

"How do you do this" 30-50 x's (literally)
"We did this?! I don't ever remember doing this!"
"Wait, I shouldn't have to do this because I wasn't here for the review."
"Miss D, can you come here?" Me: "Just a minute, she asked first." I then walk over to him and asked him what question he had and he replied "Nope, I don't take being second." I just walked away.

Today, I had a good conversation with a student after school. He said, talking about himself and his peers, "We're smart and dumb at the same time. We're smart enough to know that if 75% of the class fails, they'll blame it on the teacher. But we're dumb because we don't think about the future and that we're not getting anywhere." So, it's not just me that sees this. The students are very conscious of what is going on. They're not dumb in that respect at all, but in fact quite aware of "the system."

Randomness on STing

Wow, I can't believe I am 12 weeks into my student teaching! Where did the weeks go? And how come I never posted? Just so you know, I feel as though I could have written a novel every night I have come home, besides the fact that I'm too exhausted to do so. With so many interactions with students throughout the day, there is so much for my little brain to analyze. I wish I would have done that for you here, to get out my thoughts, but the past is in the past.

For a quick update for those of you I don't see often. I got the long-term sub job!!! Michelle, maybe we can meet up sometime since I'll only be an hour away from you for 14 weeks. Also, the basketball game against my students is this Friday. This week I've been at tryouts/practices for girl's basketball helping them out. I feel insane spending so much time at the school, but it's another opportunity to spend time with my students and provide them with guidance and mathematical help :-). I'm helping out mainly with JV because of my skill level and a lack of time to do both.

In general, I have been very busy. The least exciting part of being a teacher, grading, takes up so much time. It feels unnecessary at times, but it's hard to get around. I've been putting off grading labs (which I'm doing right now) and I feel bad. Typically I get it done quick, but labs take a lot of reading. I can't imagine being a comp/lit teacher reading all of those papers! Phew, it sure is nice to be in math!

As for my interaction with students, some feel comfortable talking with me and generally like me as a teacher, but there are a good many who seem distant and/or they just don't like my teaching style (or me) at all. Those that don't like me are pretty vocal about it. Day in and day out my inexperience is thrown in my face and it's quite the struggle to come up with good lesson plans for three classes every single day! Quite exhausting. Oh, and I just realized I need to create a test for Friday! Gotta go.

To come: More updates, a compilation of quotes from the semester, and thoughts on being a "m" in T (don't know what I mean, e-mail me)

I'm Scurred

"Pride comes before the fall."

The saying is true. For the past few weeks I've found out which of my students play basketball, and I talk smack with them (never thinking I'll ever get a chance to play against them). I'll say things such as, "Oh, we should play sometime! I'd whip you for sure! Hahahaha." Apparently I don't say it sarcastically enough because they usually say, "No, so-and-so is really good - you'd never beat her." I then follow up with, "Yeah, I know. I played basketball - but I played for MHS," to which they laugh at me.

Today, I received news that my host teacher readily volunteered me to play on the staff verses students basketball game. This is an assembly (which are crazy enough without a basketball game) and I have to actually play basketball against Arthur Hill in front of all of my students? Oh boy. I spoke too soon talkin smack to all of them! Thankfully he'll be out there with me and I can feed him a back-door pass for a beautiful layup...if I'm lucky enough to keep the ball.

-------------------------------------------

For those of you I don't get to talk to much - things have been AMAZING. I absolutely love student teaching and I love my kids. Every Friday I want it to be Monday so I can be at school. Sorry to those of you who I hang out with on the weekends but I just love my kids so much! Every day I simply love being there and it surprises me to think that I ever thought about leaving.

Speaking of leaving. Today I told one class that I'm leaving in December and they were really sad. They said they were going to miss me and they wanted to throw me a party and yada yada yada. Then, 6th hour, I said I was going to be gone tomorrow (for an interview!) and there was a sigh of relief. They don't like me as much, but I'm okay with it.

But this interview. Please pray for me! It's a long-term sub job in Algebra and Geometry near Lansing. I just want to do whatever God has for me. Thanks!

Dawn Is Here

Ah, this morning was a fine morning. I was running late, but the car ride was nice. In fact, from the moment I walked out of the house I noticed the beauty of the sunrise and I knew the car ride was going to be nice. That's one benefit of being late. So, I finally switched the CD from Appendix A (AP) to Remedy (D*CB) because nothing was on the radio and I felt like listening to something good going in [note: not that Appendix A isn't good - it's great, I've just had it in since Rochelle gave it back to me and a little D*CB sounded like a good switch :-)]. The first song is called "The Glory of it All" and it's a pretty calm song so it was fitting for the morning. As I was driving I noticed the lyrics:

After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same

And how wonderful to hear those lyrics going into a new day of student teaching and experiencing such a beautiful dawn! You may already know, but for those who don't, this week has been a big booster. Last weekend was perfectly timed...I don't know if I could have made it one more day without giving up. But this week I've put some stuff aside that I was really frustrated about and decided to be the change I can be instead of letting the problems I can't fix kill me inside.

I also went to the volleyball game on Tuesday and that allowed me to connect with some students and their parents. One girl even came in the next day and bragged about me to my host teacher and even said, "Miss D is a good student teacher," for going to the game and helping her out with her homework. Then, she gave me a thumbs up. Usually she's the one messing around in class, so I think once it comes time for me to teach, I have her respect enough for her to listen to me.

Plus, Monday and Tuesday I noticed myself being really happy walking around the school and, hopefully, encouraging other teachers with my joy. I could see their faces going from a stressed face to a my-day-seems-brighter face. If my impact can even just be on teachers to have joy in their job, that will affect students in a huge way. I just need to keep that joy...we'll see about that :-).

The first week I was overwhelmed by the tragedies of the entire system - the schools, the lack of basic skills, the community, etc. Where does the change start??? And now my attitude is this: make a change even if it's the most minute change in one student or one teacher's life. This change has given me hope and joy. Plus, I know only God can change and that's exactly what I'm having faith He'll do. I love when Scripture talks about His power - because it shows that I can't do it, only He can! But if he decides to use me in this season, I would be overjoyed. I think I already am.


Click here to find and listen to the song ("The Recordings" -> green cross album -> find song)

Day Three

Three days in a row! I doubt it will keep up at this rate, but we'll see. I gots lots to say! So, I'm writing. Plus, I have weekly, 1-page, double-spaced reflections and I think I'm just going to pull from my blog to write it up.

Anywho, now to the "good stuff." Today, I almost cried. That's right. On Day Three, the kids broke me down. Well, not exactly. Here's the deal, I took over 6th hour (you know, pre-calc w/ 37 crazy seniors!) because there was a sub who didn't know math and it was the plan anyways. Almost the whole hour they tried talking all the time. See, now I just don't take lots of kids talking at once. I won't take it. I refuse to talk over them. But any time I tried to settle them down, kids were laughing at me. And not just one, but half of them - or all of them! Who does that? I guess these kids. When I got the class quiet enough to speak, I would begin instruction and soon the level of noise would raise from everywhere. I'd stop. Wait. Say something. Begin. Over and over and over for 54 minutes. A couple of times when it was quiet, I would give them a short lecture on respect and how this class is going to work when I'm teaching. They were pretty disappointed that I was going to be teaching them the whole fall, but I really don't care at this point. They're probably going to hate me because I won't let them talk, but it sure ain't my place to become their friends at a loss of instruction. Absolutely not.

A few kids were working hard and asking questions and some even stayed late to get help. It's good to know there are some willing to work. And it wasn't until driving home that I almost cried (that's why I said they didn't break me). I saw one girl at her house running in the front yard and I thought, "Wow, that little girl will be lucky to have people that build into her motivation for achievement. She'll be lucky if she graduates knowing how to do math and write well." Something has GOT to change in the system for these students to do well and learn. I don't know what it is, but the learning community and maybe even the community as a whole needs some development.

I don't even know how I can teach them pre-calc. If they're plugging in 18+4-10 into their calculator to find out that it's 12 as a senior in HS, they need something more before pre-calc. One girl was so excited when she found out -8 over 8 is -1. These simple basics are not rooted in them as basics. What is simple algebra to many, is tough math to a number of seniors.

This teaching biz is tough. Who am I to say I can do it? Well, it's possible by God's grace. I know I don't want to become one of those hardened teachers who doesn't care, and I don't want to have so low of expectations that I never ask questions for fear that none of them know the answer.

Today was a hard day. Now I know exactly why the last two math student teachers quit before the end of the semester forfeiting graduation. Please, don't let me make that decision.

Day Two

Day Two went much better than Day One. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Oh, geez, she's going to write every single day?!" No, but I'm on a roll, so let me be. Back to my story. Today, as opposed to yesterday, I actually felt alive when I walked out of the building, so that's good, right? But, I was even antsier to teach today than I was yesterday so I just started doing it. I walked around, I asked questions, I answered questions, and I helped with classroom management. Half the time I don't know if they're making fun of me or laughing at each other. I don't care, though. I just try to give them the look when they're rude to me O < O. Today, 6th hour was a bit quieter. AND, I'm starting to know their names which is scary for them (I hope). I think they're catching on that I won't take crap from them. We'll see.

And now, a story from yesterday:
When my mom came home, she found me napping because I was exhausted. We said "Hello," and then I said, "Mom, look at my bruise!" as I pointed to my chin.
Mom: Oh, no, baby! Are you okay?
Me: No, I got hit today at school [looking sad].
Mom: [GASP!] OH NO! [terrified look]
Me: Just kidding, that happened from tubing on the lake.
Mom: Get out! I just about flipped a switch on someone!
Me: HAHAHAHA! Gotcha!
Mom: Oh, I got so scared.
Me: Hehe, I knew you would.

Day One

Today was my first day of student teaching, and while I intended for this blog to be about missions, it is turning out to also be about teaching. I sense I'll have much to say over the next 15 weeks but I know I'll also struggle to find the time to update cyberspace about my experiences. Regardless, I'm doing it anyways.

Reflections:
My experiences today felt like they were from a movie because they're so far removed from what my high school experiences were like. This school has a much different culture than what I'm used to; however, I'm really excited to learn what it takes to reach each student: what makes them interested in school, what makes them want do math work, what makes them come to class, what makes them motivated...these things I want to know. The system could never teach me these things; I have to learn them every day.

But then combine the desire to learn about the students and mix it with trying to integrate motivational ideas into the classroom and you'll get what you want, right? Ideally. But life just ain't that simple. There's pacing guides to follow and each day has to be filled with a lesson. Soon after filling in the day-to-day schedule it appears that there's only one day every six weeks open. That one day is probably going to be filled with an assembly or something else. So, there's no free days. Plus, there seems to be way too much that even each lesson could hold. Then, there's homework not only to do, but to go over for those who don't understand. What if someone falls behind? What if they all fall behind? There's not even a day for leeway, let alone time for some cool motivational tactics. Of course, one could say that these motivational tactics could be integrated within the lessons. True, and that's what I aim to do. But what about taking a day to do an exploratory activity? Someone else could argue that by doing this, they learn more. Sure they get the same grades, but it becomes deeper, more real, and true problem-solving begins.

*Sigh. Today, I realized these things. I'm more than eager to get up front and begin teaching. But I'm equally scared of the workload including integrating good ideas, motivating students, teaching them real life lessons, doing more than rote memorization or repetition. Morrie (you know, the guy from Tuesdays with Morrie) called this the "tension of opposites." Eager. Yet scared. I know my time will come to teach and when it does I won't be seeing many friends, but it's hard to just sit back and observe.


What actually happened:
Each class had many students that decided their time to talk was at any time they chose. And they did. I'm not too scared of this because for one thing, I have the look. O < O It's what one middle school student called "the owl." That deep stare that seems to look beyond your eyes and into your soul. I always hated it, but now I love to give it. It works, but not so well from the sidelines. That's where I'm at right now. They don't know I'm authority in the class so they don't care how much I stare at them. In due time, they will know.

Most of my physics students I also have for pre-calc. This is kind of fun for me - I get them for two hours and they'll know what my routines are like. I just hope I can make physics phun enough for them to stay in and push through all the math. I don't have enough fun ingredients for a really good physics class, but I'll make do with what I have right now. That's what this experience is all about, right?

Okay, 6th hour. Pre-calc. Seniors. 39 of them. Seniors tend to do well and have respect. Not this class. Every single student talked whenever they so desired. I'm not gonna lie, the class was theirs. I was even standing next to two girls talking and told them to be quiet. They barely even shot me a glance. So I told them again. They continued to talk until their conversation was complete. I think I'm going to need more than a look O < O or even proximity to get this class together. I'm sure you'll hear more about this class later on. I'm confident that even if it was only 20 students, they would still behave the same way.

Update Letter

I have an update letter with my reflections and what I learned this summer, but I'm only handing them out in person. Let me know if you want one :-)

New BRP

Here's the story. At a prayer meeting, the Koreans informed us that they took 5 days and read the Bible. They woke up at 6am and went to bed at 10pm and only took breaks to use the bathroom and eat. They told us that it was very refreshing and it gave them new, clear vision from God. I was amazed, to say the least.

So, in response, my friend here decided to read the Bible in two weeks. It is actually taking here about 3, but it's pretty cool, especially because she's doing this all on her own time while we're busy. Whenever someone says, "Wow, you're reading it in 3 weeks?!" she replies, "Yeah...the Koreans bested me."

Let's not let the Koreans best us! Anyone with me? I want to take a week off in the next year and do it. Wanna take off work, school and all other plans?!!! Let me know.

God Loves!!!

Wow, there's always so much to tell about and never enough time to write. But I must start with saying that God is awesome! We have been studying the book of Ephesians while we're here and it's really good. I read Eph 5:1-2 Monday night in prep for Tuesday night's study and it just hit me: God loves me. I know this, but I finally realized it! It hit home. Ephesians (and much of God's Word) is so much about love. I am amazed He gave His perfect life for my imperfect one. This is truly love. This is the highest form of love! It is pure and perfect love that I can't receive from anyone else because we all have imperfect love. So, this caused me to 1) praise God for His incredible, awesome love and 2) realize that I can't live my life seeking out imperfect love, but that my life is best spent being in love with God and learning to love as He does.

The Texans who have been here for 3 weeks are going home tomorrow. They've been a lot of fun and it's sad to see them leave. They're from the Austin church that Chris Tomlin helped plant and so, naturally, they sing a lot of Chris Tomlin songs. One that seems to be a theme for the summer, and one we sing a lot, is called "God of this City." You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk. My favorite part is, "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city." It reminds me that God loves people here in this city and most don't have any access to knowing that. Almost every day I've questioned why I'm here. Is it worth it? And remembering that God is passionately pursuing people in this city with His amazing, perfect, incredible love makes it worth it for me to be here. And so I've been encouraged.

This morning was really cool. We heard from a couple who are believers and their stories. I'll tell you about the woman and how she and her family heard about Christ. First, her young nephew had a very high fever. Her sister-in-law was concerned about her son's fever and was afraid she was going to lose him. She was trying to lower his temperature by putting wet cloths on him and was working really hard to lower his fever, but it wasn't looking good. He was even staring at the light and saying things like, "Do you see all the people?" She left the room for one minute to change the water for the cloths, and when she came back, his fever was gone. Because it was so sudden, she asked him what had happened. He said, "Didn't you see the man? He touched me and said, 'You're not to come now. You are to stay.' " She said that she hadn't seen the man and asked what he looked like. He said that the man had pierced hands. So, she knew it was Jesus and her and her husband (he is the brother of the woman who told us this story) became believers in Christ because of their son's miracle!!!! Soon, the woman speaking became a believer while visiting them and within the next few years the rest of her family began to believe in Christ as their Savior. It was so awesome to hear of this story. I've heard that 80% of believers here became believers because they had a vision or dream of Jesus. Isn't that amazing? In this instance, God used a miracle to draw this family to Himself. I'm in awe.


One fun little thing that we got to do is go to the public bath. It was very relaxing and fun! They exfoliate your whole body and then wash your whole body and then your hair. It was very refreshing to do that on our day off and have some resting time while connecting with one another (only girls, of course). We thought it was funny because we had been learning about taking off the old self and putting on the new self in Ephesians 4. We felt like we were taking off the old self by becoming free from the dirty, grimy dead skin (from being in the city) and putting on the new self (lotion)! It seemed like an appropriate analogy to our study. Plus, it was fun and restful.

Wednesday night we leave to go 12 hours south of here and we'll get to visit the ruins of the Eph church! I'm really looking forward to going. Pray for us as we debrief and prepare to come back into America. Also, I am still considering my future and if I will come back. One thing that has really got me thinking is how God will guide me. I read an article and, in summary, it said that it's better to draw closer to the Guide than ask for guidance because in doing so, guidance from the Guide will happen. And so that's what I've been doing. I want to know God more and more so that His direction for my life will be clear. With that said, I've been praying a lot and my tentative plan is to come back a year from now to do this same work and learn a lot of language. I will stay in touch with some friends from here and, hopefully, they can teach me language (especially pronunciation). Keep me in your prayers - that I can know the Guide and that guidance will follow.

I look forward to seeing you all when I get back!

Futbol, Cliff Diving, Sweet Convos & Job Opportunities

Merhaba! (Hello!)

Wow, there is much to mention from the last time I've written. It has been extremely exciting being here during the Euro Cup (soccer/futbol for those who don't know)!! Disclaimer: Read this paragraph for the play by play of the Euro Cupor skip ahead to the Summary section if you don't care. The first game was disappointing because we lost. Then, we beat the Swiss which was exciting, but not mind blowing. Last Sunday we were playing the Czech and we were predicted to lose. It was 0-2 and was not looking good...but then in the last 15 min, we scored 3 goals! It was amazing and, consequently, it was difficult to sleep at night. Car horns were our lullaby to such a sweet win. Then, we watched the quarterfinals game against Croatia (again, we're the underdog) at our mid-project retreat in the middle of the town we were at. There was a projection onto a screen and a few hundred people. It was so intense and then Croatia scored in the last minute (or so) of the game. People immediately started to file out. Then, in stoppage time we scored and it went into 2 overtime and we won in penalty kicks!!! Summary: We're one of the last four teams in the Euro Cup by winning at the last minute for some sweet upsets.

Needless to say, the atmosphere here has been very positive. People are coming together because the national team is doing so well unexpectedly! It is a good conversation builder to have when talking with new friends and I hope this week I'll get to watch this game with two of my new friends who love futbol.

This past weekend we took our mid-project retreat. We went to a more secluded part of the city and we basically hung out at a hotel on the Black Sea. It was good for relaxation and rejuvenation. One highlight of the weekend (besides the game) was swimming over to a small rocky island where we climbed up the rocks so we could go cliff diving. I don't have pictures yet, but it was amazing. The jump was about 30 feet and it was scary but exhilarating once I got the nerve to jump. It was beautiful to be swimming amidst God's wonderful creation since we don't see so much of that here in the heart of the city. It also built trust between teammates to be able to climb the rocks and trust that we would clear the ones below as they did...even though it didn't seem totally realistic!

Besides a few cool events going on, the normal routine of life has been good too. We have been making a lot of friends on campuses, in parks and in cafes. One day recently was pretty hard. My friend and I were pretty exhausted at the start and unmotivated to initiate any conversations at all. So, we sat down to talk and pray in the park before we headed out. Before we could even pray for our hearts to be motivated a girl sat down nearby and kind of in front of us. So, we both say hi and ask if she knows any English. She said she does and we started talking from there. The conversation was wonderful and we discussed a lot of spiritual topics. One of the big hot topics here is whether or not college students should be able to wear headscarves on campuses (right now it's illegal to). She is a covered woman who goes to an American university so that she can wear her headscarf there! Now that's commitment. She also prays five times a day in the mosque (which is rare to find here amongst university students) and so while we had tea with her, she invited us into the mosque (The Blue Mosque!!) and she showed us around telling us about her religion and explaining what people were doing. So we went inside and put on scarves so we could pray with her. It was quite an experience! And all of it happened while my friend and I were weak. God sure does like to show Himself strong - and He loves it when we're humble. He definitely humbled us by showing us that it's not by our efforts that the church will by built here - but by His will alone.

Lastly, I have been considering teaching here in the future at an international school. I don't know which one or even if it will work out, but I'm starting to seek it out. I'm getting names of schools and even Wednesday I took the afternoon to visit one of them. It may be possible for me to start there at the end of January. I would appreciate your prayers in this matter, especially because it's so soon and because I wasn't thinking about living abroad for a few more years. Six months is a lot shorter than 3-4 years! Plus, I don't even know if this is the place where I should invest my time or not long term.

Oh, one more thing. I want to thank anyone who has been praying for us as a team and for me. I have grown a ton in prayer (my mentor is always praying and I'm learning a lot from her) and I want to keep growing. Please be praying for me to be fervent in prayer, depending on God in faith for everything.

Euro Futbol

Okay so it's really cool to be here during the Euro Cup while they're playing. It was most disappointing when they lost on Saturday...everyone left (we were at a bar) when Portugal scored the second goal. It emptied out quickly and everyone went home. I'm hoping tonight they will win and if so, I'm sure I won't sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Usually honking can keep me up since we're in the city and honking is just a normal form of communication. I really want them to win and go into the single elimination time so we can watch more games with our new friends!

Settling In

My time here has been very full. It's been exhausting getting acclimated to a new culture and I've learned a ton of things. Language learning has been slow, but many people speak English so it's okay. The biggest problem is not knowing numbers, so eventually I learned those so I could pay for meals and groceries. I do know how to say "Take care of yourself" and I usually get lots of hugs and kisses when I say it :-). They greet and say goodbye to people they know well with a kiss on each cheek and a big hug. They are a very affectionate people, including men and friends hold hands in public. However, with their close affection comes a lack of desire for personal space. We've found ourselves really close to people on the streets and in the trams or buses - we protect our purses well in those times!

I'm really starting to get to know the area well. I get can around the neighborhood with ease now and I can generally eat out without too many communication issues. There are vendors everywhere and we call streets by their most prominate vendor...like book street, wedding gown street, shoe street, fish street, etc. and 2 other big streets are busy street and boys street (they sell only manly stuff). We live in a nice neighborhood that's known to be safe, and it's also located by the sea as I mentioned before. I go down the the sea nearly everyday and it's beautiful. There are parks down there and huge rocks to walk on. You can see the European side and you can see some nearby islands. This Saturday we're going to one of the islands to go bike riding, enjoy the view and talk with some of our new friends! I'm really excited and I plan on taking pics.

In general, our day schdules goes like this: in the morning we usually have something with our group - time to learn language, worship, or receive training. Then, we go to campuses and make friends starting convos with them at cafes or in parks. In the evenings we have Bible study, time with God, time with new friends, and coffee houses. The days can be pretty packed but they're lots of fun too. I don't feel terribly busy, but at the end of the day I'm always exhausted (in a good way) from going so many places.

Fun Facts for Friends

I've been thinking about you guys and here are some things I think some of you would care about:

On the flight from Germany to this city, we had fika! It consisted of coffee and a wonderful German chocolate bar.

The country director is australian. The interns have a list of words that they need translating for...I want to see that list :-)

Futbol stuff is everywhere and I SO can't wait for the Euro Cup. It's going to be awesome here.

Church was international and very very charismatic (but not usually this charismatic I hear).

Whenever I try to think of the language in my mind, I usually first think of the French that I know.

Introduction to a New Place

I have been here since Wednesday evening! We arrived in the country on time as planned and went to a hotel for a few days. Each day so far has been briefing about what we'll be doing and cultural norms. So our normal routine will start Monday. Today we moved into the apartments (it is beautiful and spacious) and I am with the two year-long interns with another girl from my team. One of the interns will be discipling me this summer and I'm really excited about it. I was hoping she would be the one mentoring me because she and I talked a lot Thursday night going from dinner to ice cream and from ice cream to walking along the seaside. Oh and the sea is beautiful! Thursday we crossed it by ferry during our "scavenger hunt" of the city. Don't worry, they didn't let us out on our own without knowing the language for 6 hours, but they didn't give us a lot of help on the hunt either. That forced us to ask people if they knew English and then ask to find things such as the "bull statue." It was lots of fun and the people here are extremely friendly. Many times people would walk across the city with us to show us where the bookstore was or where the buses were.

Yesterday we were learning the language trying to get just a few phrases down pat and then go out and use them. It was hard enough trying to get the sounds right, but I also have a cold right now (I can't say I'm sick because "sick" is a bad word in their language! So I have to be very careful =) ). My cold isn't bad, but my throat is sore causing pain when I talk. It's probably due to jet lag, being in a city, and general adjustment to a new culture which has been draining to us all.

Our group has 4 women and 3 guys for students, two staff women, one male director and 5 interns. I've enjoyed getting to know each one of them and I have already learned a lot from conversations.

Well, we're off to dinner soon. The interns have something "special" for us tonight. They told us to bring cameras and jackets (meaning it's going to be awesome and by the sea).

If you want my address, send me an e-mail and I can find out what it is.

Briefing

My team is pretty cool, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know them so far. One is a Texan, one is a Messianic Jew, some are from Northern Illinois and the rest of us are from Michigan. And while it was a small team to start, it’s actually smaller than that now. The two directors and their children are going to be moving this summer because the father is taking a job as the Cru National Director. This is a cool opportunity for them and so they’ve decided not to go, even as hard as that is for them since they love this country. However, around mid-trip, we will be receiving a group of about 10 (1 men’s small group and one women’s small group) from Texas who will be joining us. One of the directors (the father) and his oldest daughter will be coming with them and so we will get to see them a little. I was really looking forward to getting to know their family better and so I will just have to wait.

Yesterday we learned quite a bit from various people. There are two elderly couples that I’ve learned from who have either been there or to a similar culture. I love talking to those who can say, “I’ve done this for 24 years and this for 20 years…” They have so much life experience and both couples were great to listen to. Their stories are so rich and so full of God! I think I could listen to them all day long.

Today we do some more briefing and getting to know each other. Then we fly out around 4pm. I’ve started to realize what flying 8.5 hours is like. I’ve done it before and it is just boring. I can't watch movies, read or play games and I can’t sleep that long. I like to do laps around the plane, but that’s the greatest excitement I get unless people are awake to talk to. So, in those times of extreme boredom, pray that I will focus on God, pray and have positive thoughts. Thanks!

What's This?

Tonight I surprised myself. When talking to my mom and dad about leaving I got choked up for a second in both convos. Something hit me while talking to them. I'm leaving. For 7 weeks. Yes, I've known this, but the reality of it hit me. I've been away from each of them for longer than 7 weeks before and I've gone without seeing friends for longer than that too (sometimes nearly the whole gap in between Christmas and Easter!). But I have always managed quite well in these gaps. I guess I noticed two things that really hit me.

The first is that this trip is prep for long-term missions. The abstract idea of being a missionary is fine, but the realization of what it really feels like to leave home is far different. I know it's wearing on the emotions when departing for both missionary and those behind. I've just never experienced it before and I'm not experiencing it to the full extent right now, but the milder form of it did just hit.

The other part is that I'm going somewhere completely new. This is fine and dandy for 2 weeks, but 7 weeks is different. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it is, but maybe it's best to be prepare for the worst. I thought back to when I moved away to college and the foreignness of this small town 45 minutes away weighed 10 times heavier than I imagined. I didn't know where the Meijer was, where to send mail or how to get to the dining hall to eat. I had no friends near me and I felt lonely. Now I'm going to a country where I don't speak the language, I'm not used to the food, there's no Meijer and I don't have a cell phone. Wow, I sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I don't think I'll mind this new lifestyle for 7 weeks, but tonight it was shocked my mind to think about it becoming a reality in just a few short days. Better a shock now than once I arrive, right?

Jehovah Jireh - Gotta Love Him

I'd like to report on my project support that's come in. In a period of 8 days I went from 20% supported to 78%! How amazing is that?! On May 3 alone, I went from 20% to 40%. God sure is faithful and He wanted me to know that. I had initially entrusted all of my funds to Him and prayed over letters as I sent them. For a while, nothing came in. Once it did, it was slow moving...1% here, 2% there. I was getting a little worried and in response to my anxiety I would commit it to prayer. People would ask how I'm doing with support and I'd tell them I'm at 10% or 16%. Then they'd ask when I'm leaving and their responses tended to increase my anxiety.

I know that if God has called me somewhere, He will provide what I need. And I was trusting that He was calling me because I had been surrounding the application process in prayer and asking for others to pray for me as well. I trusted that I was moving where He wanted me to, but it was hard to actually believe that within 3 weeks I could go from 20% to 100%. Now it is clear that it can actually happen! 58% in about a week ain't bad. So obviously I still need about 22%...well...a little less because I received some cash in the mail from an anonymous supporter last night (with some encouraging words and Scripture too!). Praise God with me!

Prayer Request:
Yesterday I heard word that 2 of my teammates are considering not going because they don't have 50% yet. Pray for them to trust God and that God will provide.

Semi-Cold Feet

I don't know how to put it, really, but I'm hesitating to go this summer. It's natural for the reality of a cross-cultural trip to hit you like that, right? I've been in the rush of the last month of school going here, doing this, finishing projects, working, hanging out, stressed and loving the experience at the same time. And then I stop for a sec and think, "I'm not cut out for this. How can one month make me feel off track?" And yet it has. Then I begin to think that it's not that God hasn't called me to go, and it's quite probable I should go, but boy how quickly my mind is distracted. Spiritual warfare is great, and it's good to realize that now as opposed to later. It's not that I should refrain from going, but I should immediately begin to have the mindset of God - a passion for what He's doing in this world.

That's where I am now. I'm pausing long enough to open my eyes, wake up and see what God's doing. And not only see it, but listening for His voice so that I can take part in it in the way He wants me to. I would appreciate your prayers.

Culture

Wow, there's been so much I've been learning about missions and culture, but I haven't had two free seconds to sit down and formulate my thoughts. Right now I really don't have time, but I'm tired of real work, so I'm going to write my thoughts on culture.

Yesterday I had a really awesome conversation with a friend of a friend. She happened to be in the UCup when we were chatting (the friend and I) and sat down. Somehow the topic of missions came up. I started advertising Perspectives, told what it was all about and encouraged both women to take it whether they're in Colorado, North Carolina or wherever they end up. Then, the friend of the friend asked me about what I defined as "missions" so I told her about Perspectives' stance on the terms "Evangelism," "Regular Missions," and "Frontier Missions." [I can tell you too, just ask]. Then the friend of the friend told about how she's not really into missions lately and how she see it as culture ruining. After explaining herself, I explained what I learned from Perspectives. I told her that certainly some missionaries do westernize cultures, but the best form of missions actually enhances the culture by bringing about social action, freeing them from their sins, and allowing them to worship the one true God within their normal cultural practices (given that they're, of course, not sinful practices). It was fun to get her perspective because she's from the church and struggling with the idea of missions. She didn't know that many are being trained in culture-enhancing rather than culture-destroying strategies. She pointed to a few big culture-destroying missions movements from history and it helped me to realize that it may still be quite a problem and that it definitely has been in the past.

With that said, I've been reflecting a lot on how the gospel can naturally spread within a culture that's foreign to me and how I might be able to facilitate that now and in the long run. What does the church look like if it doesn't have a Sunday morning service with a band up front and youth group Sunday night? What if they have Friday services? What if they sit on the ground? What if I don't understand how they worship? What if I don't enjoy the way they sing to the Lord? And those are only the surface-level questions. Here's a deeper one: What if they interpret the Bible differently? What if they have different moral standards than I do (more or less strict - either way)? And at the heart of everything: What if I don't know or am unprepared to know enough about the culture to be able to truly minister to them in the way that they need? I really wish I could articulate myself better...there's so much more than even this, but I just can't formulate it into words. The chapters in Perspectives does much better :-) .

In one book I'm reading it points out how the Eastern worldview can actually help us understand the Bible because the Bible is an Eastern text. For example, Moses (see Deut 3:23-26) shifts the blame from himself to the Israelites. We take this blame shifting as lying, but the Eastern mindset doesn't see it as lying. He just wasn't "accepting public blame," so this book says. The author often asks those in the East to help him understand his Bible - and they do! This intrigues me because it causes me to realize that I look at Scripture with a biased, individualistic American mindset. If I am in a different culture, I need to be aware of their worldviews and strip myself of my cultural biases while I'm there. But this is very difficult and much research on the culture is needed to be able to do this adequately.

Math and Missions - You Knew This Was Coming

In math class today we discussed facilitating the room when students are exploring an idea in groups. My prof talked about how it was most strategic for the teacher to help just the one student so that he could, in turn, teach the whole group he was with. It was less strategic for her to stay at that one group the whole time. If she can help one student at each group, then the whole class is helped because at least one person in each group is an expert who can help the other students understand the concepts at hand.

So, how does this relate to missions? Well, if every believer evangelizes every one of their friends and family who in turn evangelizes their friends and family, etc, etc then the whole world will not be evangelized. Why? Because there are cultural bridges to be crossed that won't happen unless we bridge the gap to cultures that do not yet have Christ. It's really hard for the gospel to "jump" into other cultures until they see that it is relevant to them (which is a difficult process). See once a "vibrant, indigenous church" is planted in a people group then those believers can reach the people within their own culture much better than you or I. But the church must be started before that can happen. So, it is strategic for missions to go where no one knows of Christ so that a church can be built and then they can reach their own people. See, it's just like a classroom.

So, I guess that's not math, but it is education. I think they relate quite well and my learning has deepened.

On The Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness

I realized last fall why I like Andrew Peterson's music - imagery. You see, there are loads and loads of songs that are good and Christ-centered, but many seem to just say what they mean outright. AP has a tendency to write songs as a story is written. He doesn't just say what he means, but he shows it and so there's this depth that other songwriters simply don't show. So with that said, that is also why AP's book On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness is so enjoyable to read. He's a natural storyteller. The book is written with beautiful descriptions that carry me off into another world. I feel as though I'm immersed in Aerwiar and all I want throughout the day is to go back into that world and live, see, and feel the adventures of the Igiby children.

Before I get you too convinced about the wonderfulness of this book, I want to note one terrible point about it. Among the many footnotes (which I absolutely love) is one heart-wrenching footnote. This is what it reads:
♫

"For as long as they could remember, Nia had taught the children what she called T.H.A.G.S. 1

1. Three Honored and Great Subjects: Word, Form, and Song. Some silly people believe that there's a fourth Honored and Great Subject, but those mathematicians are woefully mistaken."

What?! Am I a "silly person" who's "woefully mistaken"? I feel cut to the heart at this comment. I sure hope Nia's beliefs aren't a reflection of Andrew's personal beliefs because I literally gasped upon reading it. Three times. In fact, I was so troubled that I didn't know if I could go on reading. But then I realized that Andrew Peterson may never have known the art of mathematics growing up. I feel sorry for him if that is the case and especially sorry for the poor Igiby children who never get even a chance to know the art of mathematics. I digress to say that too many teachers take the beauty and intricacy of mathematics and chop them up and widdle them down until math is just a set of formulas and directions to be followed where not an ounce of joy can be found in it. Even Einstein himself has said,

"It is almost a miracle that modern teaching methods have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for what this delicate little plant needs more than anything, besides stimulation, is freedom."

After contemplating these things, I continued on with my heart broken.

If you can get past that one issue, you will find a wonderful story about three Igiby children, their mother, their one-legged grandfather, Peet the Sock Man, the terrible Fangs, toothy cows and many other people and creatures. It's an exciting book that caused me to refrain from my work or homework and there are lots of little mysteries throughout the book that keep you wondering alongside Janner (the eldest boy).

Actually, I feel that I can't go on writing more since I'm not so great with words (I am a mathematician with apparently no honorable abilities) and I encourage you to read my friend Shannon's post(more blog post here). She says everything I want to with better words (and footnotes!!!). Oh, and if you comment on this post and on hers then you are put in a drawing for winning our giveaway books.

I read her post yesterday and finished the book late last night. And even so as I turned to the last page I found tears in my eyes quite unexpectedly. A wonderful story.

Accepted!

I have been accepted for two things and I'm really excited about both!

The first one is not related to the theme of this blog, but it is due to this blog. Really soon, I hope, I will receive two copies of Andrew Peterson's new book called On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness. However, with this opportunity, I will have to actually read the book before March 17 so as to participate in the Blog Tour. I'm really excited about it, but I'll have to crunch in the time because I'm a slow reader. Who cares about time, though, right?! I know I'm going to love the book and it should be a good quick read. Look for an off-theme post between March 17-21 to see what this book is all about.

The second is related to this blog. I'm accepted to the Acts 29 Project! I'm excited about going and will leave in May and get back in July. Keep me in your prayers as I prepare to go to this secular, Muslim country. More to come on that later. Plus, I will blog on my experiences here while I'm gone.

Prayer & Faith

I realized that I often fail to pray because I don't truly believe that it will change an ounce of what God will do. I don't believe the phrase "When we pray God works." Ask me if I do and I'll say, "Of course!" But look at my actions and my thoughts and they will show otherwise.

I've realized how much faith stems from prayer. To be honest, I'm not big into faith if I don't trust my prayers will ever have much effect. Isn't that what faith is?! So, in the big picture, I'm realizing how much I lack in faith. Now, recognizing it is the first step and it's a big one. It's hard to recognize these problems in faith when all is going well: I'm in a church, a nice campus ministry, Bible study, discipleship, Perspectives course, and I enjoy lots of sweet fellowship. My mind is engaged with God throughout the day, and yet I have trouble trusting Him in many matters of prayer.

I realized this problem around mid-January and I was going to post then. But I didn't and so I'm posting now in hindsight. Since then, I've moved from the initial realization into seeing how it affects my every day life. And from there a faith mindset can move in and kick out my disbelieving current mindset. Hopefully more on this in the future.

Encountering the Gospel

Wow, Perspectives offers a lot of learning. There are so many different things I've pondered lately. One thing is about church planting. The speaker last week really got me thinking and the reading has challenged me quite a bit. By these I have learned about a number of different people groups to whom the gospel has been shared and taken root. It's quite exciting to see how each group learns of Christ and how the gospel spreads throughout each people group. It's also very neat to see how each group worships God differently. And this has really struck me.

The reading encourages the idea of having a people group be self-operating as much as possible from the beginning. So, they form their own groups as they see need and they will meet regularly as large groups, but maybe not weekly or on Sunday. They're all focused on prayer, Scripture reading and teaching, fasting, accountability, etc. When there's a problem, missionaries encourage the group to search the Scriptures for answers and come up with their own decision with the guidance from the missionaries. Also, each group (that I've seen) naturally decides there's a need for a leader and so some are appointed.

I find it so intriguing to think of how people naturally respond to the gospel and Scripture without appointed guidelines on "how to do church." In some respects, I think it's better. They are not "culturally Christian" where we have to separate ourselves from what is said to be Christian by our culture and what is really of Christ Himself. And these short articles and talks are not enough to see all of their cultural blunders so I don't want to lift up all the other people groups and bash our own culture. But it makes me wonder...what would our churches look like if we were without the gospel and it came to us today? Would we have the clean-cut specific doctrinal statements? Would we be more focused on living out the gospel than trying to figure it all out? Would our services look the same? Would we need such specific liturgy? Would our worship songs be so focused on sounding nice so they move our hearts or would they focus more on God? As I've gone throughout the last few days, these questions and more have flooded my mind. Really, what would our churches look like if they didn't have the history that they have from the reformation, or even earlier?

I see why they named this course the way they did.

No More Wavering

Wow, if I had actually posted in the last 2 weeks, it would have been on my lack of prayers for the nations and prayer in general (I'd also explain why, but it may come later), focusing on God's glory for motivation for missions instead of on having compassion for people, and my fears I have in thinking about going somewhere as a missionary. I'll talk about the last one here, but the others I'll have to wait.

Well, Monday we had an amazing speaker who spent 20 years in Papua New Guinea. 6 years they learned the language and for 7 months they presented the gospel. It took 6 1/2 years before anyone could become a convert. But by then so many desperately wanted what God had for them. They understood the Old Testament as a whole and when the missionaries finally got to Christ and his crucifixion, the people of the tribe understood that Christ died for their sins. It took 7 months of weeding out and separating them from their old tales, but they got it. 1hr and 40 min on this topic. Wow. I was moved to tears out of awe and joy and other positive emotions of how the church planting occurred in this tribe by these missionaries. I wish all could have been there to hear of such an experience as his.

So now, I see absolutely no reason not to plan on leaving. My reasons for staying (or, rather, resisting leaving), I've realized are weak. Absolutely weak. For example, some of my fears are: not wanting to leave the nice routine that I can establish here, or family, or friends; not wanting to live among big bugs that are absolutely disgusting; not being able to learn a language and being humbled in the process of trying; not wanting to suffer in any way; not wanting to leave warm showers; not wanting to change my diet, or clothes, or culture in any way; now wanting to get a foreign disease and possibly not treating it as I would here; and the list goes on.

I realized this week that it is immeasurably greater (like the Christianese?) to go and leave all of those fears behind for the sake of reaching nations. The speaker made it come alive as he lived it and absolutely loved it. Sure he had hard times, in fact quite a bit of them, but he counted it as worth it. Also, he was a Southern Californian surfer who didn't want to leave, didn't have the calling and was bad with languages. Nothing should hold us back. And it reminded me of all of the missionaries and martyrs and everything who counted their suffering as being completely worth it. None of them would have traded that time for the luxuries that I have as I write this on my nice PC. So I am determined to go unless God holds me back.

Is the Flu Evil?

"But it's hardly less puzzling how so many believing Christians today can read these same Gospels, commit themselves to following this Jesus, and yet never seriously consider treating sickness and disease (to say nothing of demonized people) the way Jesus treated them."
-Gregory A. Boyd, God at War

He states this after briefly discussing how some believe Jesus was a moral teacher. He puts people like me practically in the same group as people who believe Jesus was a moral teacher. While I'm slightly offended, I'm also intrigued.

His main point was that all of Christ's work, including teaching, exorcisms, healings, miracles and work on the cross, were "acts of war." Okay, fair enough. Certainly Satan ruled this earth and Jesus did come to take back His reign over earth and destroy Satan's rule completely...even if it did take two comings for it to be complete. But Jesus' whole life was, according to the author, about overpowering Satan. My question is: Did everything He did have that purpose?

I ask this because I'm not so sure that diseases and sicknesses are so evil. I'm not so sure that every bit of pain we feel should be cast out. I think the author is right that healings are done in opposition to Satan, but I think that so often we grow so much more in difficult times (including diseases, deaths and sicknesses) that we wouldn't know God apart from those hard times. What about Job's sickness? Or Paul's thorn?

I don't deny that miraculous healings occur today, but should that be my response? If so, when? Should I be so in tune with God that I know when to pray for healing and when to pray for perseverance? Well, we know Paul was persistent in asking God and then God denied him his request. Maybe that should be my response: be persistent until God is clear on His will.

Oh and I have another question (go figure, right?). In Luke 4:38-39 when Jesus heals Simon's mother-in-law, was that an act against evil. It says "[He] rebuked the fever and it left her." The author claims this is an act against demons, and I'm not so sure I would go so far, but it does have the taste that this fever was evil. Hmm...I just don't know what to think.

Well, the point of this reading in Perspectives is to show the church that we should be involved in "overthrowing evil powers just as Jesus had done." And the study guide asks, "Is it possible to carry out Christ's Great Commission without in some way fighting against evil?" Clearly the answer is no. But I think Boyd has a different look on spiritual warfare than I do. Maybe I need to adjust the way I see it, but I'm not so convinced by the argument he gave and the Scriptures he presented. Am I too much of a skeptic?

The Israelites as Missionaries?

One of the early chapters of the Perspectives homework claimed that God did send Israelites to the whole nation with the Great Commission. The author (Walter C. Kaiser) used three texts: Gen 12:1-3, Ex 19:4-6 & Psalm 67. I agree that the Old Testament has the missionary vision all over it, but I'm not convinced that the Israelites of the OT were supposed to actually go to the nations to proclaim God's salvation.

The key people in the OT that he used in the intro to demonstrate his point were: Melchizedek (Gen 14), Jethro (Ex 18), Balaam (Num 23-24), and Jonah. Now, I agree that these people were Gentiles or went to the Gentiles. But were they special cases?

Here's my key question I can't get off my mind: Did God want all nations to have salvation in Him before He sent His son to live and die on earth?

See, the author was clear that the 3 texts I mentioned in Gen, Ex & Psalms are not the only texts in the OT and that there aren't many texts in the OT that are really explicit about missions. He claims that the OT has a general sense of missions throughout. And I totally agree. My problem is that I see it slightly differently. I see it as God wants His fame in every nation, but not necessary salvation for every nation...yet. The OT is filled with "...and then they will know that I am Yahweh God." He says it for Israel and for different nations. But the impression I get from the OT is that that's all God wants from non-Israelites right now - He just wants them to recognize Him and for Him to be completely famous across the earth...for His glory but not their salvation.

In Amos 1 & 2 God proclaims judgment on many nations and also Israel. Each judgment shows the same pattern and each one gives a reason. Here they are:

• "Because [Damascus] threshed Gilead with sledges having iron teeth..."
• "Because [Gaza] took captive whole communities and sold them to Edom..."
• "Because [Tyre] sold whole communities of captives to Edom, disregarding a treaty of brotherhood..."
• "Because [Ammon] ripped open the pregnant women of Gilead in order to extend his borders..."
• "Because [Moab] burned, as if to lime, the bones of Edom's king..."
• "Because [Israel has] rejected the law of Yahweh and have not kept His decrees, because they have been led astray by false gods, the gods their ancestors followed..."

Doesn't it seem like Israel is slightly different than the nations? The nations are ripping people to pieces and Israel isn't following their God. This is just one example of how I don't see God having a desire to be the God of the nations during the period of the OT. Especially when He says in Amos 3:2 "You only have I chosen of all the families of the earth." It seems pretty clear to me that Israel and Israel only is the chosen nation among nations to be God's people. Do we ever hear God saying to other nations, "And you shall be my people and I shall be your God"? Not that I know of.

The whole thing has me confused, so if you can shed any light, I'd appreciate it.

Starting off with a Big Picture

I'm beginning to take a step back from this world to look at the big picture of life via my reading in the Perspectives class. I find it quite interesting that God had the plan that He did. He created Satan and allowed him to set up a kingdom contrary to His own and He didn't cast him into the fiery pit right away. In fact, He allows this kingdom, ruled by Satan, to influence the human beings He created in His own image. He doesn't stop this evil from penetrating into their lives! Why not? Why doesn't He stop evil right away?

Because somehow it's not in His plan. I think He doesn't get glory unless He overcomes this evil in a big way. I think He doesn't get to show Himself - including all of His incredible characteristics - to His people unless sin & evil are amidst us. He would never need to come and live with us and die for us. His glory would never be displayed. I often wondered why in first grade they always told us that our stories needed to have a problem. I thought it restricted me and put me in some sort of a box because I didn't want problems in my story. But little did my first grade mind know that problems are what make stories good. God created the best epic story and it wouldn't be epic if Satan, sin & death were abolished right at the beginning.

How does this shape my view of missions? More on that to come in the future. But first, a fun note on OT/NT connections. So we see there are 2 problems: Satan creates evil & man follows. But God created a solution. He will 1) overcome Satan's kingdom and 2) He will redeem man.

• The latter is showed in Christ being of the seed of Abraham and Issac (Ab's son) is the representation of the coming Messiah because he's a living sacrifice. This sacrifice and redemption is displayed in the animal the lamb (i.e. the Day of Atonement...spotless lamb).
• Now, (1) is shown in Christ being the seed of David and his son, Solomon, is the representation of the coming Messiah because He was such a great king in great splendor. Such is Christ and the animal that displays this solution is the lion because the lion has such great "kingly authority."

At Christ's first coming, He has both overcome Satan's kingdom and He has redeemed man. But they're both still in progress and will be complete at His second coming. This seems quite normal to me, but at the time of the first coming, Jews were confused - even John the Baptist and His disciples.

Why Am I Doing This...Again?

This blog will act as a sort of personal missions journal. I have trouble journaling on paper because I get tired. I know, lame excuse, but it's true.

I feel the need to journal on missions for a number of reasons. I've explored missions and felt it was a calling. But lately I don't know if I'm really called. I think as I've grown since Urbana '03 I realized what a sacrifice it is to go to another country and how unprepared I am to go right now. Maybe in the future I'll be ready, but right now I've got a lot of growing in Christ to do.

Also, I'm taking the Perspectives course this spring semester. And since I decided to take it for credit I have to do all of the reading. That means, I'm learning A LOT and there will be much content that I want to digest. I can do that here on this blog.

Lastly, I want to be able to keep anyone who wants to be updated, updated on my possible future journey overseas. And I know I won't have time for tons of personal e-mails. So a blog is the way I'm solving that conundrum. Oh and I say "possible" because I haven't applied yet. I should be working on that right now as I have the day off, but I wanted to start this blog.


2.20.2008
See an update about how I feel about my calling for missions here.