Dawn Is Here

Ah, this morning was a fine morning. I was running late, but the car ride was nice. In fact, from the moment I walked out of the house I noticed the beauty of the sunrise and I knew the car ride was going to be nice. That's one benefit of being late. So, I finally switched the CD from Appendix A (AP) to Remedy (D*CB) because nothing was on the radio and I felt like listening to something good going in [note: not that Appendix A isn't good - it's great, I've just had it in since Rochelle gave it back to me and a little D*CB sounded like a good switch :-)]. The first song is called "The Glory of it All" and it's a pretty calm song so it was fitting for the morning. As I was driving I noticed the lyrics:

After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same

And how wonderful to hear those lyrics going into a new day of student teaching and experiencing such a beautiful dawn! You may already know, but for those who don't, this week has been a big booster. Last weekend was perfectly timed...I don't know if I could have made it one more day without giving up. But this week I've put some stuff aside that I was really frustrated about and decided to be the change I can be instead of letting the problems I can't fix kill me inside.

I also went to the volleyball game on Tuesday and that allowed me to connect with some students and their parents. One girl even came in the next day and bragged about me to my host teacher and even said, "Miss D is a good student teacher," for going to the game and helping her out with her homework. Then, she gave me a thumbs up. Usually she's the one messing around in class, so I think once it comes time for me to teach, I have her respect enough for her to listen to me.

Plus, Monday and Tuesday I noticed myself being really happy walking around the school and, hopefully, encouraging other teachers with my joy. I could see their faces going from a stressed face to a my-day-seems-brighter face. If my impact can even just be on teachers to have joy in their job, that will affect students in a huge way. I just need to keep that joy...we'll see about that :-).

The first week I was overwhelmed by the tragedies of the entire system - the schools, the lack of basic skills, the community, etc. Where does the change start??? And now my attitude is this: make a change even if it's the most minute change in one student or one teacher's life. This change has given me hope and joy. Plus, I know only God can change and that's exactly what I'm having faith He'll do. I love when Scripture talks about His power - because it shows that I can't do it, only He can! But if he decides to use me in this season, I would be overjoyed. I think I already am.


Click here to find and listen to the song ("The Recordings" -> green cross album -> find song)

Day Three

Three days in a row! I doubt it will keep up at this rate, but we'll see. I gots lots to say! So, I'm writing. Plus, I have weekly, 1-page, double-spaced reflections and I think I'm just going to pull from my blog to write it up.

Anywho, now to the "good stuff." Today, I almost cried. That's right. On Day Three, the kids broke me down. Well, not exactly. Here's the deal, I took over 6th hour (you know, pre-calc w/ 37 crazy seniors!) because there was a sub who didn't know math and it was the plan anyways. Almost the whole hour they tried talking all the time. See, now I just don't take lots of kids talking at once. I won't take it. I refuse to talk over them. But any time I tried to settle them down, kids were laughing at me. And not just one, but half of them - or all of them! Who does that? I guess these kids. When I got the class quiet enough to speak, I would begin instruction and soon the level of noise would raise from everywhere. I'd stop. Wait. Say something. Begin. Over and over and over for 54 minutes. A couple of times when it was quiet, I would give them a short lecture on respect and how this class is going to work when I'm teaching. They were pretty disappointed that I was going to be teaching them the whole fall, but I really don't care at this point. They're probably going to hate me because I won't let them talk, but it sure ain't my place to become their friends at a loss of instruction. Absolutely not.

A few kids were working hard and asking questions and some even stayed late to get help. It's good to know there are some willing to work. And it wasn't until driving home that I almost cried (that's why I said they didn't break me). I saw one girl at her house running in the front yard and I thought, "Wow, that little girl will be lucky to have people that build into her motivation for achievement. She'll be lucky if she graduates knowing how to do math and write well." Something has GOT to change in the system for these students to do well and learn. I don't know what it is, but the learning community and maybe even the community as a whole needs some development.

I don't even know how I can teach them pre-calc. If they're plugging in 18+4-10 into their calculator to find out that it's 12 as a senior in HS, they need something more before pre-calc. One girl was so excited when she found out -8 over 8 is -1. These simple basics are not rooted in them as basics. What is simple algebra to many, is tough math to a number of seniors.

This teaching biz is tough. Who am I to say I can do it? Well, it's possible by God's grace. I know I don't want to become one of those hardened teachers who doesn't care, and I don't want to have so low of expectations that I never ask questions for fear that none of them know the answer.

Today was a hard day. Now I know exactly why the last two math student teachers quit before the end of the semester forfeiting graduation. Please, don't let me make that decision.

Day Two

Day Two went much better than Day One. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Oh, geez, she's going to write every single day?!" No, but I'm on a roll, so let me be. Back to my story. Today, as opposed to yesterday, I actually felt alive when I walked out of the building, so that's good, right? But, I was even antsier to teach today than I was yesterday so I just started doing it. I walked around, I asked questions, I answered questions, and I helped with classroom management. Half the time I don't know if they're making fun of me or laughing at each other. I don't care, though. I just try to give them the look when they're rude to me O < O. Today, 6th hour was a bit quieter. AND, I'm starting to know their names which is scary for them (I hope). I think they're catching on that I won't take crap from them. We'll see.

And now, a story from yesterday:
When my mom came home, she found me napping because I was exhausted. We said "Hello," and then I said, "Mom, look at my bruise!" as I pointed to my chin.
Mom: Oh, no, baby! Are you okay?
Me: No, I got hit today at school [looking sad].
Mom: [GASP!] OH NO! [terrified look]
Me: Just kidding, that happened from tubing on the lake.
Mom: Get out! I just about flipped a switch on someone!
Me: HAHAHAHA! Gotcha!
Mom: Oh, I got so scared.
Me: Hehe, I knew you would.

Day One

Today was my first day of student teaching, and while I intended for this blog to be about missions, it is turning out to also be about teaching. I sense I'll have much to say over the next 15 weeks but I know I'll also struggle to find the time to update cyberspace about my experiences. Regardless, I'm doing it anyways.

Reflections:
My experiences today felt like they were from a movie because they're so far removed from what my high school experiences were like. This school has a much different culture than what I'm used to; however, I'm really excited to learn what it takes to reach each student: what makes them interested in school, what makes them want do math work, what makes them come to class, what makes them motivated...these things I want to know. The system could never teach me these things; I have to learn them every day.

But then combine the desire to learn about the students and mix it with trying to integrate motivational ideas into the classroom and you'll get what you want, right? Ideally. But life just ain't that simple. There's pacing guides to follow and each day has to be filled with a lesson. Soon after filling in the day-to-day schedule it appears that there's only one day every six weeks open. That one day is probably going to be filled with an assembly or something else. So, there's no free days. Plus, there seems to be way too much that even each lesson could hold. Then, there's homework not only to do, but to go over for those who don't understand. What if someone falls behind? What if they all fall behind? There's not even a day for leeway, let alone time for some cool motivational tactics. Of course, one could say that these motivational tactics could be integrated within the lessons. True, and that's what I aim to do. But what about taking a day to do an exploratory activity? Someone else could argue that by doing this, they learn more. Sure they get the same grades, but it becomes deeper, more real, and true problem-solving begins.

*Sigh. Today, I realized these things. I'm more than eager to get up front and begin teaching. But I'm equally scared of the workload including integrating good ideas, motivating students, teaching them real life lessons, doing more than rote memorization or repetition. Morrie (you know, the guy from Tuesdays with Morrie) called this the "tension of opposites." Eager. Yet scared. I know my time will come to teach and when it does I won't be seeing many friends, but it's hard to just sit back and observe.


What actually happened:
Each class had many students that decided their time to talk was at any time they chose. And they did. I'm not too scared of this because for one thing, I have the look. O < O It's what one middle school student called "the owl." That deep stare that seems to look beyond your eyes and into your soul. I always hated it, but now I love to give it. It works, but not so well from the sidelines. That's where I'm at right now. They don't know I'm authority in the class so they don't care how much I stare at them. In due time, they will know.

Most of my physics students I also have for pre-calc. This is kind of fun for me - I get them for two hours and they'll know what my routines are like. I just hope I can make physics phun enough for them to stay in and push through all the math. I don't have enough fun ingredients for a really good physics class, but I'll make do with what I have right now. That's what this experience is all about, right?

Okay, 6th hour. Pre-calc. Seniors. 39 of them. Seniors tend to do well and have respect. Not this class. Every single student talked whenever they so desired. I'm not gonna lie, the class was theirs. I was even standing next to two girls talking and told them to be quiet. They barely even shot me a glance. So I told them again. They continued to talk until their conversation was complete. I think I'm going to need more than a look O < O or even proximity to get this class together. I'm sure you'll hear more about this class later on. I'm confident that even if it was only 20 students, they would still behave the same way.