I Love the City

The weekend before last I went to Chicago for five days and it was a very full and wonderful weekend. Here's a "short" day-by-day:

Thursday night: wonderful fellowship and catching up with Michelle in BC. Going 1 year without seeing a good friend is too long. Way too long.

Friday: train to Chicago, chill in the hotel room and dinner with Ahavah at a T restaurant. Again, great fellowship and catching up! It turns out she's been to T and back again. I'm so jealous. She will likely go to Moody next year or in the near future (pocket this thought for a few minutes).

Saturday: physics conference seeing professors and students I rarely see.

Sunday: physics conference and then afternoon church with Alyssa. I could probably write a whole post about this church but basically it's ah-mazing and in a bad part of town. What faith it takes to live there and minister there. But oh the rewards! I tasted the sweetness of being in that community, and I also tasted some of the hardships as well. When I say "taste" I really don't mean a full gulp but a small sip. I could go on and on but in brief, Sunday was just wonderful. I felt the city pulling on my heart to stay and never leave.

Monday: physics conference and then classes at Moody with Alyssa. Afterwards we were at Starbucks and she got a phone call that the whole EFree staff was in town. So, after some awesome fellowship (again!), we went out to dinner.

Okay, here's where I need to start detailing. I had dinner with P. Steve, P. Jay and Ben (we had to split up into 3 tables). I've been needing to debrief my student teaching with Steve and so I purposely sat next to him. We had discussion about a number of fun topics, but a fair amount of time was spent on what I am called to do with my life. All the details aren't necessary (because they're quite long), but in the end I realized I need to figure out what the next step God is calling me to. I shouldn't just assume it's teaching simply because I'm passionate about it.

This realization came in when Jay said that if I'm called to missions and I am not planning on doing anything further about it then I'm walking in disobedience. Yup, that cued me in real quick. He asked why I was in limbo about the future and I replied that I've been "busy." He said, "Well, busy isn't a good excused on judgment day!" Furthermore, Steve said that I should immerse myself in missions and see if I'm passionate about it or not. His suggestion: Bible school.

So, what next? Prayer. Research Moody & Columbia. Prayer. Research nunneries. Prayer. Prayer.

(just kidding about the nunnery thing)

And sometime after that weekend I had a revelation. It may be obvious to you but for some reason it's never really clicked for me. I realized that if God has a will for my life then I don't have to figure out the logistics for everything and I can just do as He directs. Plus, it's better His way than my way. That sounds painfully obvious, but there's a difference between head knowledge and living it out. The results: It's not up to me (or any other outside influences). I don't have to figure out what I want and don't want. I don't need to fear that I'll take the wrong steps (unless I step without prayer). The burden of the future is off my shoulders...it's all gonna work out all right.

And now to finish up the weekend...

Tuesday: New Testament at Moody with Alyssa where I found out they (the professors and whatnot) are dispensationalists and therefore cessationists. Many of the students disagree but that's the way it is nonetheless. Then, a train ride home to BC with a 2-hour delay due to hitting a 16-year old boy. This is still settling in weird for me. It's not that I was in a car and hit him (which would be far worse and I probably would have cried), but I was in the train that hit him. How tragic for his family and what a sober way to return to the routine of teaching.

God's Will: Be a Nun

Who needs more than two signs to know God's will? Not me.

Today in class a student asked if the only thing I could do after college is be a teacher. I said, "No, my grandpa thinks I should go into..." At this point K whispered something which caused an outroar from the back of the room. "What did she say about me?" After some more laughing she explained, "I said, 'I think you should be a nun.'" At this I laughed and explained that it's funny she should mention it because my previous students made the same suggestion...and called me Sister D. Maybe, just maybe my students are very discerning and listen well to the Holy Spirit. If so, they might just be pointing me in the right direction.

So, what's next in my life? I may as well quit the teaching job searches and apply for a monastery (is there an application process?). Thoughts? Do you think this is God's plan for my life?



Other quotes from this fourth hour class:
Yesterday: "Miss D does meth! I saw her at the rave!!!"
After the nun comment: "Miss D, you were in a gang in high school, weren't you?"

Day One, Second Time Around

All right, day one is complete at the new school. It was a first day that was much more mild than my first, first day, but alas full of excitement as is usual in a high school. I had students introduce themselves and give me one piece of information about them - either interesting or what they like or what they did over break if it was exciting. Whatever they wanted to say, basically. I gave an example and in one class I said, "My great-uncle Eddie was in the mafia." They were like, "Whoa, is that true?!" And I said, "Yeah," in a 'duh!' sort of tone. After a few comments regarding that statement from the class and myself, including me threatening every student to watch out if they bother me, I said, "Oh, no I couldn't hurt a fly. Do I look like I could hurt a fly?" Their responses: "Um, yeah. You do. Yeah, you could hurt someone. Look at you in all black. And you just said your great-uncle Eddie was in the mafia. I'm scared!" To which I said, "You don't like my power suit?" And one guy said, "No! You look scary!"

Hahaha, this is going to be so easy. They're already scared of me! How awesome is this?! If I told that story at da Hill (and I should have) and then asked if they were scared of me, they would have thought I was crazy for even thinking I might be scary. What a change.

Speaking of changes, I have many I could list, but I don't want to list them all (the list would be long). First of all, I was quite early for school - over two hours not knowing any such thing about a delay. However, I went down to the office about 45 min prior to the first bell and what did I see? Teachers and students galore! Why would students come so early the day after break? That I do not know, but I was quite impressed. Speaking of impressed, I asked how many students did their homework from the Thursday before break and nearly all of them had! Certainly some of them lied, but I couldn't pay my former students to give me that kind of a turnout over a long break.

Okay, gotta get ready for Day Two. Oh, but before I forget. Awaiting me in the mailroom was a fortune cookie that reads, "Recognize and deal with reality, no matter how unpleasant it may be." A fortune? No. Helpful? Yes. Especially when I was 2-3 hours early and missing former students and familiar places.

Another Transition

This Sunday I'll be moving to begin my new job. How do I feel about this? I'm actually still sorting that out. I should probably get it in my mind real soon that this is a reality - I will move down there, begin lesson planning again, start at a new church, meet new people, new students, new teachers, new pastors, etc. all while adjusting to a new room in a new home in an unknown land. Thankfully this unknown land is fairly small and nearby are people I do actually know.

The idea of having new students; however, has got me the most troubled. Tomorrow I get to teach roughly 14 of my old students how to make shrimp alfredo (I'm still learning it myself), and I am super excited for this. Why? Because I miss my former students. I miss their attitudes, their personalities, playing basketball with them, carrying on about life with them (what is good and bad in this world), etc. Most of all, I miss not being there to love them. It's hard to deal with a position that is temporary. And that is exactly the new position I will be in again. I don't want new students and I certainly don't want to grow attached to them only to leave them in the dust for a new position in a different area. It is so hard to leave the ones you love. It's even harder when you leave roughly one hundred of them all at the same time.

As I said before, this is my reality, and I need to adjust. Just because I know I will inevitably leave my students does not mean that I should withhold love from them. It makes the leaving tougher, but the experience all the better. I need to intentionally get ready and stop dilly-dallying around pretending it won't happen.

In other news, I don't want to play God by predicting/planning my future, but I think the next realistic step after this school year is over is to teach in America before moving on to some place else (such as T). There are reasons for this - such as having a fancier name for my certification and also obtaining a master's degree. Also, I know I'm called to teach, but I'm just not so sure about missions still. Teaching is clearly my passion. Missions are a desire, but just not as strong of a desire. What does it all mean? Am I resistant to going or is my participation in missions to be less of a "goer" and more of a sender/mobilizer? That, we shall find out as God reveals in the future.

A Short Compliation of Quotes from "Da Hill"

D: "I can't take off my hoodie! My house caught on fire and my shirt underneath as a huge hole in the back ... I swear."
Later...."What? You're just yelling at me cuz I'm light skinned."

C: "I'm gonna ax Mr. So-and-so for some help."
A: "Why you be actin like Miss D ain't a good teacher?"

A: "Yo, Miss D, that triangle you made is hype!"

S: "Miss D, are you a virgin?"

"Can I get extra credit for doing this worksheet?"
"No."

"How about this one?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in at lunch?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in after school?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for coming in for tutoring?"
"No."

"Can I get extra credit for doing community volunteer work?"
"No, you just get a good feeling inside." :-D

"I have an announcement to make!"
D: "You're pregnant?"
"NO!"

I wrote "W.T.S." on the projector.
A: "You be teachin us to swear, Miss D? Like, 'What the beep'?"
"No! It's 'Want to show'"
A: "Yeah, okay. I be tellin my mom you teachin us to swear in class!"

P: "Miss D, who makes more money - street pharmacists or strippers?"

P: "Miss D, you can't fight?"
"No"
J: "So, what would you do if someone hit you?"
"I'd pray. God's a lot more powerful than my scrawny muscles, dontcha think?"
K: "What would you do if we beat you up?" *smile

P: "Miss D, do you want to know how to get cell phones through metal detectors?"
"Sure."
P: "Well, you have to wrap it in three layers of thick leather. It works for cell phones, ipods, knives - anything!"
"So, that's what you do when you bring knives into school?"
P: "Not anymore." *smile

So, K, are you going to be this annoying sitting in the front row every day? *K shook his head yes. Here's an indication he was telling the truth:
K, give me my sunglasses back!
K, where's my transparency?
K, give me my marker back.
K, give me my teacher's edition back. Now.

C: "I'm actually kinda sad you're leavin."
"Why's that?"
C: "Because now class isn't going to be fun. We won't get to goof off at all! And, we're just going to get busy work now."

J singing a song: "I'm a lit-tle girl in a big, big world. My name is Miss Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
(Note: she also wrote this on the top of the board and made me jump to erase it.)

Holla Back At Me (Alternative Names)

• Miss Day-Line!
• Put de line in the coconut! *singing
  
• Baby Dee!
• Sister D!
• Miss DeLingo, I mean, Miss DeLino...wait, what is it?
• Okay, Miss DeSquare
  
• Mz DeLizzle
• Mz DeLittle
  

Unfortunately not all of the best quotes are represented as it's hard to keep track in a school like da Hill, but it's a light taste of my life this fall. I hope you enjoyed it :-)

Too Expressive

Many of the students I have, particularly my seniors, are very expressive in all areas of their lives. They don't hold anything back! And while that's one thing I love about them, it's also one thing I can't stand. It's good when they're telling me what they don't understand or they give me suggestions on how I can teach better (when they're being polite about it). However, it's not so good when they complain. In fact, it's been driving me crazy lately!

And now I shall vent (read if you please...but I warned you).

Today was a test day and the two days prior were review days. These are the complaints I heard on Wednesday and Thursday:

"Two days?! How can we review in only two days?"

"We didn't have enough quizzes, you should have quizzed us after every other section."
My response to this one: "Well, maybe. But in college, you may only have 3 tests and those are your whole grade! This is helping prepare you for college."
Their response back: "College! Don't give us that! We're in high school right now so don't treat us like college students."

"We can't use our notes on the test? Then why did we take them? We have to fit all of this info on just one sheet of paper for tomorrow?"

"How can I remember all of this? It's crazy!" (and for the record, it wasn't that much information)

Shocked? So am I. Even after 12 weeks of being here, I'm still shocked that they can complain so much. Not only that, but I reminded them that it was their review day and that they were wasting their own time. They can't handle taking responsibility for their own education and so they throw it in my face (or any teacher who pushes them) and play the blame game.

During the test I heard comments such as:

"How do you do this" 30-50 x's (literally)
"We did this?! I don't ever remember doing this!"
"Wait, I shouldn't have to do this because I wasn't here for the review."
"Miss D, can you come here?" Me: "Just a minute, she asked first." I then walk over to him and asked him what question he had and he replied "Nope, I don't take being second." I just walked away.

Today, I had a good conversation with a student after school. He said, talking about himself and his peers, "We're smart and dumb at the same time. We're smart enough to know that if 75% of the class fails, they'll blame it on the teacher. But we're dumb because we don't think about the future and that we're not getting anywhere." So, it's not just me that sees this. The students are very conscious of what is going on. They're not dumb in that respect at all, but in fact quite aware of "the system."

Randomness on STing

Wow, I can't believe I am 12 weeks into my student teaching! Where did the weeks go? And how come I never posted? Just so you know, I feel as though I could have written a novel every night I have come home, besides the fact that I'm too exhausted to do so. With so many interactions with students throughout the day, there is so much for my little brain to analyze. I wish I would have done that for you here, to get out my thoughts, but the past is in the past.

For a quick update for those of you I don't see often. I got the long-term sub job!!! Michelle, maybe we can meet up sometime since I'll only be an hour away from you for 14 weeks. Also, the basketball game against my students is this Friday. This week I've been at tryouts/practices for girl's basketball helping them out. I feel insane spending so much time at the school, but it's another opportunity to spend time with my students and provide them with guidance and mathematical help :-). I'm helping out mainly with JV because of my skill level and a lack of time to do both.

In general, I have been very busy. The least exciting part of being a teacher, grading, takes up so much time. It feels unnecessary at times, but it's hard to get around. I've been putting off grading labs (which I'm doing right now) and I feel bad. Typically I get it done quick, but labs take a lot of reading. I can't imagine being a comp/lit teacher reading all of those papers! Phew, it sure is nice to be in math!

As for my interaction with students, some feel comfortable talking with me and generally like me as a teacher, but there are a good many who seem distant and/or they just don't like my teaching style (or me) at all. Those that don't like me are pretty vocal about it. Day in and day out my inexperience is thrown in my face and it's quite the struggle to come up with good lesson plans for three classes every single day! Quite exhausting. Oh, and I just realized I need to create a test for Friday! Gotta go.

To come: More updates, a compilation of quotes from the semester, and thoughts on being a "m" in T (don't know what I mean, e-mail me)

I'm Scurred

"Pride comes before the fall."

The saying is true. For the past few weeks I've found out which of my students play basketball, and I talk smack with them (never thinking I'll ever get a chance to play against them). I'll say things such as, "Oh, we should play sometime! I'd whip you for sure! Hahahaha." Apparently I don't say it sarcastically enough because they usually say, "No, so-and-so is really good - you'd never beat her." I then follow up with, "Yeah, I know. I played basketball - but I played for MHS," to which they laugh at me.

Today, I received news that my host teacher readily volunteered me to play on the staff verses students basketball game. This is an assembly (which are crazy enough without a basketball game) and I have to actually play basketball against Arthur Hill in front of all of my students? Oh boy. I spoke too soon talkin smack to all of them! Thankfully he'll be out there with me and I can feed him a back-door pass for a beautiful layup...if I'm lucky enough to keep the ball.

-------------------------------------------

For those of you I don't get to talk to much - things have been AMAZING. I absolutely love student teaching and I love my kids. Every Friday I want it to be Monday so I can be at school. Sorry to those of you who I hang out with on the weekends but I just love my kids so much! Every day I simply love being there and it surprises me to think that I ever thought about leaving.

Speaking of leaving. Today I told one class that I'm leaving in December and they were really sad. They said they were going to miss me and they wanted to throw me a party and yada yada yada. Then, 6th hour, I said I was going to be gone tomorrow (for an interview!) and there was a sigh of relief. They don't like me as much, but I'm okay with it.

But this interview. Please pray for me! It's a long-term sub job in Algebra and Geometry near Lansing. I just want to do whatever God has for me. Thanks!

Dawn Is Here

Ah, this morning was a fine morning. I was running late, but the car ride was nice. In fact, from the moment I walked out of the house I noticed the beauty of the sunrise and I knew the car ride was going to be nice. That's one benefit of being late. So, I finally switched the CD from Appendix A (AP) to Remedy (D*CB) because nothing was on the radio and I felt like listening to something good going in [note: not that Appendix A isn't good - it's great, I've just had it in since Rochelle gave it back to me and a little D*CB sounded like a good switch :-)]. The first song is called "The Glory of it All" and it's a pretty calm song so it was fitting for the morning. As I was driving I noticed the lyrics:

After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same

And how wonderful to hear those lyrics going into a new day of student teaching and experiencing such a beautiful dawn! You may already know, but for those who don't, this week has been a big booster. Last weekend was perfectly timed...I don't know if I could have made it one more day without giving up. But this week I've put some stuff aside that I was really frustrated about and decided to be the change I can be instead of letting the problems I can't fix kill me inside.

I also went to the volleyball game on Tuesday and that allowed me to connect with some students and their parents. One girl even came in the next day and bragged about me to my host teacher and even said, "Miss D is a good student teacher," for going to the game and helping her out with her homework. Then, she gave me a thumbs up. Usually she's the one messing around in class, so I think once it comes time for me to teach, I have her respect enough for her to listen to me.

Plus, Monday and Tuesday I noticed myself being really happy walking around the school and, hopefully, encouraging other teachers with my joy. I could see their faces going from a stressed face to a my-day-seems-brighter face. If my impact can even just be on teachers to have joy in their job, that will affect students in a huge way. I just need to keep that joy...we'll see about that :-).

The first week I was overwhelmed by the tragedies of the entire system - the schools, the lack of basic skills, the community, etc. Where does the change start??? And now my attitude is this: make a change even if it's the most minute change in one student or one teacher's life. This change has given me hope and joy. Plus, I know only God can change and that's exactly what I'm having faith He'll do. I love when Scripture talks about His power - because it shows that I can't do it, only He can! But if he decides to use me in this season, I would be overjoyed. I think I already am.


Click here to find and listen to the song ("The Recordings" -> green cross album -> find song)

Day Three

Three days in a row! I doubt it will keep up at this rate, but we'll see. I gots lots to say! So, I'm writing. Plus, I have weekly, 1-page, double-spaced reflections and I think I'm just going to pull from my blog to write it up.

Anywho, now to the "good stuff." Today, I almost cried. That's right. On Day Three, the kids broke me down. Well, not exactly. Here's the deal, I took over 6th hour (you know, pre-calc w/ 37 crazy seniors!) because there was a sub who didn't know math and it was the plan anyways. Almost the whole hour they tried talking all the time. See, now I just don't take lots of kids talking at once. I won't take it. I refuse to talk over them. But any time I tried to settle them down, kids were laughing at me. And not just one, but half of them - or all of them! Who does that? I guess these kids. When I got the class quiet enough to speak, I would begin instruction and soon the level of noise would raise from everywhere. I'd stop. Wait. Say something. Begin. Over and over and over for 54 minutes. A couple of times when it was quiet, I would give them a short lecture on respect and how this class is going to work when I'm teaching. They were pretty disappointed that I was going to be teaching them the whole fall, but I really don't care at this point. They're probably going to hate me because I won't let them talk, but it sure ain't my place to become their friends at a loss of instruction. Absolutely not.

A few kids were working hard and asking questions and some even stayed late to get help. It's good to know there are some willing to work. And it wasn't until driving home that I almost cried (that's why I said they didn't break me). I saw one girl at her house running in the front yard and I thought, "Wow, that little girl will be lucky to have people that build into her motivation for achievement. She'll be lucky if she graduates knowing how to do math and write well." Something has GOT to change in the system for these students to do well and learn. I don't know what it is, but the learning community and maybe even the community as a whole needs some development.

I don't even know how I can teach them pre-calc. If they're plugging in 18+4-10 into their calculator to find out that it's 12 as a senior in HS, they need something more before pre-calc. One girl was so excited when she found out -8 over 8 is -1. These simple basics are not rooted in them as basics. What is simple algebra to many, is tough math to a number of seniors.

This teaching biz is tough. Who am I to say I can do it? Well, it's possible by God's grace. I know I don't want to become one of those hardened teachers who doesn't care, and I don't want to have so low of expectations that I never ask questions for fear that none of them know the answer.

Today was a hard day. Now I know exactly why the last two math student teachers quit before the end of the semester forfeiting graduation. Please, don't let me make that decision.