Too Expressive

Many of the students I have, particularly my seniors, are very expressive in all areas of their lives. They don't hold anything back! And while that's one thing I love about them, it's also one thing I can't stand. It's good when they're telling me what they don't understand or they give me suggestions on how I can teach better (when they're being polite about it). However, it's not so good when they complain. In fact, it's been driving me crazy lately!

And now I shall vent (read if you please...but I warned you).

Today was a test day and the two days prior were review days. These are the complaints I heard on Wednesday and Thursday:

"Two days?! How can we review in only two days?"

"We didn't have enough quizzes, you should have quizzed us after every other section."
My response to this one: "Well, maybe. But in college, you may only have 3 tests and those are your whole grade! This is helping prepare you for college."
Their response back: "College! Don't give us that! We're in high school right now so don't treat us like college students."

"We can't use our notes on the test? Then why did we take them? We have to fit all of this info on just one sheet of paper for tomorrow?"

"How can I remember all of this? It's crazy!" (and for the record, it wasn't that much information)

Shocked? So am I. Even after 12 weeks of being here, I'm still shocked that they can complain so much. Not only that, but I reminded them that it was their review day and that they were wasting their own time. They can't handle taking responsibility for their own education and so they throw it in my face (or any teacher who pushes them) and play the blame game.

During the test I heard comments such as:

"How do you do this" 30-50 x's (literally)
"We did this?! I don't ever remember doing this!"
"Wait, I shouldn't have to do this because I wasn't here for the review."
"Miss D, can you come here?" Me: "Just a minute, she asked first." I then walk over to him and asked him what question he had and he replied "Nope, I don't take being second." I just walked away.

Today, I had a good conversation with a student after school. He said, talking about himself and his peers, "We're smart and dumb at the same time. We're smart enough to know that if 75% of the class fails, they'll blame it on the teacher. But we're dumb because we don't think about the future and that we're not getting anywhere." So, it's not just me that sees this. The students are very conscious of what is going on. They're not dumb in that respect at all, but in fact quite aware of "the system."

Randomness on STing

Wow, I can't believe I am 12 weeks into my student teaching! Where did the weeks go? And how come I never posted? Just so you know, I feel as though I could have written a novel every night I have come home, besides the fact that I'm too exhausted to do so. With so many interactions with students throughout the day, there is so much for my little brain to analyze. I wish I would have done that for you here, to get out my thoughts, but the past is in the past.

For a quick update for those of you I don't see often. I got the long-term sub job!!! Michelle, maybe we can meet up sometime since I'll only be an hour away from you for 14 weeks. Also, the basketball game against my students is this Friday. This week I've been at tryouts/practices for girl's basketball helping them out. I feel insane spending so much time at the school, but it's another opportunity to spend time with my students and provide them with guidance and mathematical help :-). I'm helping out mainly with JV because of my skill level and a lack of time to do both.

In general, I have been very busy. The least exciting part of being a teacher, grading, takes up so much time. It feels unnecessary at times, but it's hard to get around. I've been putting off grading labs (which I'm doing right now) and I feel bad. Typically I get it done quick, but labs take a lot of reading. I can't imagine being a comp/lit teacher reading all of those papers! Phew, it sure is nice to be in math!

As for my interaction with students, some feel comfortable talking with me and generally like me as a teacher, but there are a good many who seem distant and/or they just don't like my teaching style (or me) at all. Those that don't like me are pretty vocal about it. Day in and day out my inexperience is thrown in my face and it's quite the struggle to come up with good lesson plans for three classes every single day! Quite exhausting. Oh, and I just realized I need to create a test for Friday! Gotta go.

To come: More updates, a compilation of quotes from the semester, and thoughts on being a "m" in T (don't know what I mean, e-mail me)

I'm Scurred

"Pride comes before the fall."

The saying is true. For the past few weeks I've found out which of my students play basketball, and I talk smack with them (never thinking I'll ever get a chance to play against them). I'll say things such as, "Oh, we should play sometime! I'd whip you for sure! Hahahaha." Apparently I don't say it sarcastically enough because they usually say, "No, so-and-so is really good - you'd never beat her." I then follow up with, "Yeah, I know. I played basketball - but I played for MHS," to which they laugh at me.

Today, I received news that my host teacher readily volunteered me to play on the staff verses students basketball game. This is an assembly (which are crazy enough without a basketball game) and I have to actually play basketball against Arthur Hill in front of all of my students? Oh boy. I spoke too soon talkin smack to all of them! Thankfully he'll be out there with me and I can feed him a back-door pass for a beautiful layup...if I'm lucky enough to keep the ball.

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For those of you I don't get to talk to much - things have been AMAZING. I absolutely love student teaching and I love my kids. Every Friday I want it to be Monday so I can be at school. Sorry to those of you who I hang out with on the weekends but I just love my kids so much! Every day I simply love being there and it surprises me to think that I ever thought about leaving.

Speaking of leaving. Today I told one class that I'm leaving in December and they were really sad. They said they were going to miss me and they wanted to throw me a party and yada yada yada. Then, 6th hour, I said I was going to be gone tomorrow (for an interview!) and there was a sigh of relief. They don't like me as much, but I'm okay with it.

But this interview. Please pray for me! It's a long-term sub job in Algebra and Geometry near Lansing. I just want to do whatever God has for me. Thanks!

Dawn Is Here

Ah, this morning was a fine morning. I was running late, but the car ride was nice. In fact, from the moment I walked out of the house I noticed the beauty of the sunrise and I knew the car ride was going to be nice. That's one benefit of being late. So, I finally switched the CD from Appendix A (AP) to Remedy (D*CB) because nothing was on the radio and I felt like listening to something good going in [note: not that Appendix A isn't good - it's great, I've just had it in since Rochelle gave it back to me and a little D*CB sounded like a good switch :-)]. The first song is called "The Glory of it All" and it's a pretty calm song so it was fitting for the morning. As I was driving I noticed the lyrics:

After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same
We will never be the same

And how wonderful to hear those lyrics going into a new day of student teaching and experiencing such a beautiful dawn! You may already know, but for those who don't, this week has been a big booster. Last weekend was perfectly timed...I don't know if I could have made it one more day without giving up. But this week I've put some stuff aside that I was really frustrated about and decided to be the change I can be instead of letting the problems I can't fix kill me inside.

I also went to the volleyball game on Tuesday and that allowed me to connect with some students and their parents. One girl even came in the next day and bragged about me to my host teacher and even said, "Miss D is a good student teacher," for going to the game and helping her out with her homework. Then, she gave me a thumbs up. Usually she's the one messing around in class, so I think once it comes time for me to teach, I have her respect enough for her to listen to me.

Plus, Monday and Tuesday I noticed myself being really happy walking around the school and, hopefully, encouraging other teachers with my joy. I could see their faces going from a stressed face to a my-day-seems-brighter face. If my impact can even just be on teachers to have joy in their job, that will affect students in a huge way. I just need to keep that joy...we'll see about that :-).

The first week I was overwhelmed by the tragedies of the entire system - the schools, the lack of basic skills, the community, etc. Where does the change start??? And now my attitude is this: make a change even if it's the most minute change in one student or one teacher's life. This change has given me hope and joy. Plus, I know only God can change and that's exactly what I'm having faith He'll do. I love when Scripture talks about His power - because it shows that I can't do it, only He can! But if he decides to use me in this season, I would be overjoyed. I think I already am.


Click here to find and listen to the song ("The Recordings" -> green cross album -> find song)

Day Three

Three days in a row! I doubt it will keep up at this rate, but we'll see. I gots lots to say! So, I'm writing. Plus, I have weekly, 1-page, double-spaced reflections and I think I'm just going to pull from my blog to write it up.

Anywho, now to the "good stuff." Today, I almost cried. That's right. On Day Three, the kids broke me down. Well, not exactly. Here's the deal, I took over 6th hour (you know, pre-calc w/ 37 crazy seniors!) because there was a sub who didn't know math and it was the plan anyways. Almost the whole hour they tried talking all the time. See, now I just don't take lots of kids talking at once. I won't take it. I refuse to talk over them. But any time I tried to settle them down, kids were laughing at me. And not just one, but half of them - or all of them! Who does that? I guess these kids. When I got the class quiet enough to speak, I would begin instruction and soon the level of noise would raise from everywhere. I'd stop. Wait. Say something. Begin. Over and over and over for 54 minutes. A couple of times when it was quiet, I would give them a short lecture on respect and how this class is going to work when I'm teaching. They were pretty disappointed that I was going to be teaching them the whole fall, but I really don't care at this point. They're probably going to hate me because I won't let them talk, but it sure ain't my place to become their friends at a loss of instruction. Absolutely not.

A few kids were working hard and asking questions and some even stayed late to get help. It's good to know there are some willing to work. And it wasn't until driving home that I almost cried (that's why I said they didn't break me). I saw one girl at her house running in the front yard and I thought, "Wow, that little girl will be lucky to have people that build into her motivation for achievement. She'll be lucky if she graduates knowing how to do math and write well." Something has GOT to change in the system for these students to do well and learn. I don't know what it is, but the learning community and maybe even the community as a whole needs some development.

I don't even know how I can teach them pre-calc. If they're plugging in 18+4-10 into their calculator to find out that it's 12 as a senior in HS, they need something more before pre-calc. One girl was so excited when she found out -8 over 8 is -1. These simple basics are not rooted in them as basics. What is simple algebra to many, is tough math to a number of seniors.

This teaching biz is tough. Who am I to say I can do it? Well, it's possible by God's grace. I know I don't want to become one of those hardened teachers who doesn't care, and I don't want to have so low of expectations that I never ask questions for fear that none of them know the answer.

Today was a hard day. Now I know exactly why the last two math student teachers quit before the end of the semester forfeiting graduation. Please, don't let me make that decision.

Day Two

Day Two went much better than Day One. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Oh, geez, she's going to write every single day?!" No, but I'm on a roll, so let me be. Back to my story. Today, as opposed to yesterday, I actually felt alive when I walked out of the building, so that's good, right? But, I was even antsier to teach today than I was yesterday so I just started doing it. I walked around, I asked questions, I answered questions, and I helped with classroom management. Half the time I don't know if they're making fun of me or laughing at each other. I don't care, though. I just try to give them the look when they're rude to me O < O. Today, 6th hour was a bit quieter. AND, I'm starting to know their names which is scary for them (I hope). I think they're catching on that I won't take crap from them. We'll see.

And now, a story from yesterday:
When my mom came home, she found me napping because I was exhausted. We said "Hello," and then I said, "Mom, look at my bruise!" as I pointed to my chin.
Mom: Oh, no, baby! Are you okay?
Me: No, I got hit today at school [looking sad].
Mom: [GASP!] OH NO! [terrified look]
Me: Just kidding, that happened from tubing on the lake.
Mom: Get out! I just about flipped a switch on someone!
Me: HAHAHAHA! Gotcha!
Mom: Oh, I got so scared.
Me: Hehe, I knew you would.

Day One

Today was my first day of student teaching, and while I intended for this blog to be about missions, it is turning out to also be about teaching. I sense I'll have much to say over the next 15 weeks but I know I'll also struggle to find the time to update cyberspace about my experiences. Regardless, I'm doing it anyways.

Reflections:
My experiences today felt like they were from a movie because they're so far removed from what my high school experiences were like. This school has a much different culture than what I'm used to; however, I'm really excited to learn what it takes to reach each student: what makes them interested in school, what makes them want do math work, what makes them come to class, what makes them motivated...these things I want to know. The system could never teach me these things; I have to learn them every day.

But then combine the desire to learn about the students and mix it with trying to integrate motivational ideas into the classroom and you'll get what you want, right? Ideally. But life just ain't that simple. There's pacing guides to follow and each day has to be filled with a lesson. Soon after filling in the day-to-day schedule it appears that there's only one day every six weeks open. That one day is probably going to be filled with an assembly or something else. So, there's no free days. Plus, there seems to be way too much that even each lesson could hold. Then, there's homework not only to do, but to go over for those who don't understand. What if someone falls behind? What if they all fall behind? There's not even a day for leeway, let alone time for some cool motivational tactics. Of course, one could say that these motivational tactics could be integrated within the lessons. True, and that's what I aim to do. But what about taking a day to do an exploratory activity? Someone else could argue that by doing this, they learn more. Sure they get the same grades, but it becomes deeper, more real, and true problem-solving begins.

*Sigh. Today, I realized these things. I'm more than eager to get up front and begin teaching. But I'm equally scared of the workload including integrating good ideas, motivating students, teaching them real life lessons, doing more than rote memorization or repetition. Morrie (you know, the guy from Tuesdays with Morrie) called this the "tension of opposites." Eager. Yet scared. I know my time will come to teach and when it does I won't be seeing many friends, but it's hard to just sit back and observe.


What actually happened:
Each class had many students that decided their time to talk was at any time they chose. And they did. I'm not too scared of this because for one thing, I have the look. O < O It's what one middle school student called "the owl." That deep stare that seems to look beyond your eyes and into your soul. I always hated it, but now I love to give it. It works, but not so well from the sidelines. That's where I'm at right now. They don't know I'm authority in the class so they don't care how much I stare at them. In due time, they will know.

Most of my physics students I also have for pre-calc. This is kind of fun for me - I get them for two hours and they'll know what my routines are like. I just hope I can make physics phun enough for them to stay in and push through all the math. I don't have enough fun ingredients for a really good physics class, but I'll make do with what I have right now. That's what this experience is all about, right?

Okay, 6th hour. Pre-calc. Seniors. 39 of them. Seniors tend to do well and have respect. Not this class. Every single student talked whenever they so desired. I'm not gonna lie, the class was theirs. I was even standing next to two girls talking and told them to be quiet. They barely even shot me a glance. So I told them again. They continued to talk until their conversation was complete. I think I'm going to need more than a look O < O or even proximity to get this class together. I'm sure you'll hear more about this class later on. I'm confident that even if it was only 20 students, they would still behave the same way.

Update Letter

I have an update letter with my reflections and what I learned this summer, but I'm only handing them out in person. Let me know if you want one :-)

New BRP

Here's the story. At a prayer meeting, the Koreans informed us that they took 5 days and read the Bible. They woke up at 6am and went to bed at 10pm and only took breaks to use the bathroom and eat. They told us that it was very refreshing and it gave them new, clear vision from God. I was amazed, to say the least.

So, in response, my friend here decided to read the Bible in two weeks. It is actually taking here about 3, but it's pretty cool, especially because she's doing this all on her own time while we're busy. Whenever someone says, "Wow, you're reading it in 3 weeks?!" she replies, "Yeah...the Koreans bested me."

Let's not let the Koreans best us! Anyone with me? I want to take a week off in the next year and do it. Wanna take off work, school and all other plans?!!! Let me know.

God Loves!!!

Wow, there's always so much to tell about and never enough time to write. But I must start with saying that God is awesome! We have been studying the book of Ephesians while we're here and it's really good. I read Eph 5:1-2 Monday night in prep for Tuesday night's study and it just hit me: God loves me. I know this, but I finally realized it! It hit home. Ephesians (and much of God's Word) is so much about love. I am amazed He gave His perfect life for my imperfect one. This is truly love. This is the highest form of love! It is pure and perfect love that I can't receive from anyone else because we all have imperfect love. So, this caused me to 1) praise God for His incredible, awesome love and 2) realize that I can't live my life seeking out imperfect love, but that my life is best spent being in love with God and learning to love as He does.

The Texans who have been here for 3 weeks are going home tomorrow. They've been a lot of fun and it's sad to see them leave. They're from the Austin church that Chris Tomlin helped plant and so, naturally, they sing a lot of Chris Tomlin songs. One that seems to be a theme for the summer, and one we sing a lot, is called "God of this City." You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk. My favorite part is, "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city." It reminds me that God loves people here in this city and most don't have any access to knowing that. Almost every day I've questioned why I'm here. Is it worth it? And remembering that God is passionately pursuing people in this city with His amazing, perfect, incredible love makes it worth it for me to be here. And so I've been encouraged.

This morning was really cool. We heard from a couple who are believers and their stories. I'll tell you about the woman and how she and her family heard about Christ. First, her young nephew had a very high fever. Her sister-in-law was concerned about her son's fever and was afraid she was going to lose him. She was trying to lower his temperature by putting wet cloths on him and was working really hard to lower his fever, but it wasn't looking good. He was even staring at the light and saying things like, "Do you see all the people?" She left the room for one minute to change the water for the cloths, and when she came back, his fever was gone. Because it was so sudden, she asked him what had happened. He said, "Didn't you see the man? He touched me and said, 'You're not to come now. You are to stay.' " She said that she hadn't seen the man and asked what he looked like. He said that the man had pierced hands. So, she knew it was Jesus and her and her husband (he is the brother of the woman who told us this story) became believers in Christ because of their son's miracle!!!! Soon, the woman speaking became a believer while visiting them and within the next few years the rest of her family began to believe in Christ as their Savior. It was so awesome to hear of this story. I've heard that 80% of believers here became believers because they had a vision or dream of Jesus. Isn't that amazing? In this instance, God used a miracle to draw this family to Himself. I'm in awe.


One fun little thing that we got to do is go to the public bath. It was very relaxing and fun! They exfoliate your whole body and then wash your whole body and then your hair. It was very refreshing to do that on our day off and have some resting time while connecting with one another (only girls, of course). We thought it was funny because we had been learning about taking off the old self and putting on the new self in Ephesians 4. We felt like we were taking off the old self by becoming free from the dirty, grimy dead skin (from being in the city) and putting on the new self (lotion)! It seemed like an appropriate analogy to our study. Plus, it was fun and restful.

Wednesday night we leave to go 12 hours south of here and we'll get to visit the ruins of the Eph church! I'm really looking forward to going. Pray for us as we debrief and prepare to come back into America. Also, I am still considering my future and if I will come back. One thing that has really got me thinking is how God will guide me. I read an article and, in summary, it said that it's better to draw closer to the Guide than ask for guidance because in doing so, guidance from the Guide will happen. And so that's what I've been doing. I want to know God more and more so that His direction for my life will be clear. With that said, I've been praying a lot and my tentative plan is to come back a year from now to do this same work and learn a lot of language. I will stay in touch with some friends from here and, hopefully, they can teach me language (especially pronunciation). Keep me in your prayers - that I can know the Guide and that guidance will follow.

I look forward to seeing you all when I get back!