Day Three

Three days in a row! I doubt it will keep up at this rate, but we'll see. I gots lots to say! So, I'm writing. Plus, I have weekly, 1-page, double-spaced reflections and I think I'm just going to pull from my blog to write it up.

Anywho, now to the "good stuff." Today, I almost cried. That's right. On Day Three, the kids broke me down. Well, not exactly. Here's the deal, I took over 6th hour (you know, pre-calc w/ 37 crazy seniors!) because there was a sub who didn't know math and it was the plan anyways. Almost the whole hour they tried talking all the time. See, now I just don't take lots of kids talking at once. I won't take it. I refuse to talk over them. But any time I tried to settle them down, kids were laughing at me. And not just one, but half of them - or all of them! Who does that? I guess these kids. When I got the class quiet enough to speak, I would begin instruction and soon the level of noise would raise from everywhere. I'd stop. Wait. Say something. Begin. Over and over and over for 54 minutes. A couple of times when it was quiet, I would give them a short lecture on respect and how this class is going to work when I'm teaching. They were pretty disappointed that I was going to be teaching them the whole fall, but I really don't care at this point. They're probably going to hate me because I won't let them talk, but it sure ain't my place to become their friends at a loss of instruction. Absolutely not.

A few kids were working hard and asking questions and some even stayed late to get help. It's good to know there are some willing to work. And it wasn't until driving home that I almost cried (that's why I said they didn't break me). I saw one girl at her house running in the front yard and I thought, "Wow, that little girl will be lucky to have people that build into her motivation for achievement. She'll be lucky if she graduates knowing how to do math and write well." Something has GOT to change in the system for these students to do well and learn. I don't know what it is, but the learning community and maybe even the community as a whole needs some development.

I don't even know how I can teach them pre-calc. If they're plugging in 18+4-10 into their calculator to find out that it's 12 as a senior in HS, they need something more before pre-calc. One girl was so excited when she found out -8 over 8 is -1. These simple basics are not rooted in them as basics. What is simple algebra to many, is tough math to a number of seniors.

This teaching biz is tough. Who am I to say I can do it? Well, it's possible by God's grace. I know I don't want to become one of those hardened teachers who doesn't care, and I don't want to have so low of expectations that I never ask questions for fear that none of them know the answer.

Today was a hard day. Now I know exactly why the last two math student teachers quit before the end of the semester forfeiting graduation. Please, don't let me make that decision.

Day Two

Day Two went much better than Day One. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Oh, geez, she's going to write every single day?!" No, but I'm on a roll, so let me be. Back to my story. Today, as opposed to yesterday, I actually felt alive when I walked out of the building, so that's good, right? But, I was even antsier to teach today than I was yesterday so I just started doing it. I walked around, I asked questions, I answered questions, and I helped with classroom management. Half the time I don't know if they're making fun of me or laughing at each other. I don't care, though. I just try to give them the look when they're rude to me O < O. Today, 6th hour was a bit quieter. AND, I'm starting to know their names which is scary for them (I hope). I think they're catching on that I won't take crap from them. We'll see.

And now, a story from yesterday:
When my mom came home, she found me napping because I was exhausted. We said "Hello," and then I said, "Mom, look at my bruise!" as I pointed to my chin.
Mom: Oh, no, baby! Are you okay?
Me: No, I got hit today at school [looking sad].
Mom: [GASP!] OH NO! [terrified look]
Me: Just kidding, that happened from tubing on the lake.
Mom: Get out! I just about flipped a switch on someone!
Me: HAHAHAHA! Gotcha!
Mom: Oh, I got so scared.
Me: Hehe, I knew you would.

Day One

Today was my first day of student teaching, and while I intended for this blog to be about missions, it is turning out to also be about teaching. I sense I'll have much to say over the next 15 weeks but I know I'll also struggle to find the time to update cyberspace about my experiences. Regardless, I'm doing it anyways.

Reflections:
My experiences today felt like they were from a movie because they're so far removed from what my high school experiences were like. This school has a much different culture than what I'm used to; however, I'm really excited to learn what it takes to reach each student: what makes them interested in school, what makes them want do math work, what makes them come to class, what makes them motivated...these things I want to know. The system could never teach me these things; I have to learn them every day.

But then combine the desire to learn about the students and mix it with trying to integrate motivational ideas into the classroom and you'll get what you want, right? Ideally. But life just ain't that simple. There's pacing guides to follow and each day has to be filled with a lesson. Soon after filling in the day-to-day schedule it appears that there's only one day every six weeks open. That one day is probably going to be filled with an assembly or something else. So, there's no free days. Plus, there seems to be way too much that even each lesson could hold. Then, there's homework not only to do, but to go over for those who don't understand. What if someone falls behind? What if they all fall behind? There's not even a day for leeway, let alone time for some cool motivational tactics. Of course, one could say that these motivational tactics could be integrated within the lessons. True, and that's what I aim to do. But what about taking a day to do an exploratory activity? Someone else could argue that by doing this, they learn more. Sure they get the same grades, but it becomes deeper, more real, and true problem-solving begins.

*Sigh. Today, I realized these things. I'm more than eager to get up front and begin teaching. But I'm equally scared of the workload including integrating good ideas, motivating students, teaching them real life lessons, doing more than rote memorization or repetition. Morrie (you know, the guy from Tuesdays with Morrie) called this the "tension of opposites." Eager. Yet scared. I know my time will come to teach and when it does I won't be seeing many friends, but it's hard to just sit back and observe.


What actually happened:
Each class had many students that decided their time to talk was at any time they chose. And they did. I'm not too scared of this because for one thing, I have the look. O < O It's what one middle school student called "the owl." That deep stare that seems to look beyond your eyes and into your soul. I always hated it, but now I love to give it. It works, but not so well from the sidelines. That's where I'm at right now. They don't know I'm authority in the class so they don't care how much I stare at them. In due time, they will know.

Most of my physics students I also have for pre-calc. This is kind of fun for me - I get them for two hours and they'll know what my routines are like. I just hope I can make physics phun enough for them to stay in and push through all the math. I don't have enough fun ingredients for a really good physics class, but I'll make do with what I have right now. That's what this experience is all about, right?

Okay, 6th hour. Pre-calc. Seniors. 39 of them. Seniors tend to do well and have respect. Not this class. Every single student talked whenever they so desired. I'm not gonna lie, the class was theirs. I was even standing next to two girls talking and told them to be quiet. They barely even shot me a glance. So I told them again. They continued to talk until their conversation was complete. I think I'm going to need more than a look O < O or even proximity to get this class together. I'm sure you'll hear more about this class later on. I'm confident that even if it was only 20 students, they would still behave the same way.

Update Letter

I have an update letter with my reflections and what I learned this summer, but I'm only handing them out in person. Let me know if you want one :-)

New BRP

Here's the story. At a prayer meeting, the Koreans informed us that they took 5 days and read the Bible. They woke up at 6am and went to bed at 10pm and only took breaks to use the bathroom and eat. They told us that it was very refreshing and it gave them new, clear vision from God. I was amazed, to say the least.

So, in response, my friend here decided to read the Bible in two weeks. It is actually taking here about 3, but it's pretty cool, especially because she's doing this all on her own time while we're busy. Whenever someone says, "Wow, you're reading it in 3 weeks?!" she replies, "Yeah...the Koreans bested me."

Let's not let the Koreans best us! Anyone with me? I want to take a week off in the next year and do it. Wanna take off work, school and all other plans?!!! Let me know.

God Loves!!!

Wow, there's always so much to tell about and never enough time to write. But I must start with saying that God is awesome! We have been studying the book of Ephesians while we're here and it's really good. I read Eph 5:1-2 Monday night in prep for Tuesday night's study and it just hit me: God loves me. I know this, but I finally realized it! It hit home. Ephesians (and much of God's Word) is so much about love. I am amazed He gave His perfect life for my imperfect one. This is truly love. This is the highest form of love! It is pure and perfect love that I can't receive from anyone else because we all have imperfect love. So, this caused me to 1) praise God for His incredible, awesome love and 2) realize that I can't live my life seeking out imperfect love, but that my life is best spent being in love with God and learning to love as He does.

The Texans who have been here for 3 weeks are going home tomorrow. They've been a lot of fun and it's sad to see them leave. They're from the Austin church that Chris Tomlin helped plant and so, naturally, they sing a lot of Chris Tomlin songs. One that seems to be a theme for the summer, and one we sing a lot, is called "God of this City." You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk. My favorite part is, "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city." It reminds me that God loves people here in this city and most don't have any access to knowing that. Almost every day I've questioned why I'm here. Is it worth it? And remembering that God is passionately pursuing people in this city with His amazing, perfect, incredible love makes it worth it for me to be here. And so I've been encouraged.

This morning was really cool. We heard from a couple who are believers and their stories. I'll tell you about the woman and how she and her family heard about Christ. First, her young nephew had a very high fever. Her sister-in-law was concerned about her son's fever and was afraid she was going to lose him. She was trying to lower his temperature by putting wet cloths on him and was working really hard to lower his fever, but it wasn't looking good. He was even staring at the light and saying things like, "Do you see all the people?" She left the room for one minute to change the water for the cloths, and when she came back, his fever was gone. Because it was so sudden, she asked him what had happened. He said, "Didn't you see the man? He touched me and said, 'You're not to come now. You are to stay.' " She said that she hadn't seen the man and asked what he looked like. He said that the man had pierced hands. So, she knew it was Jesus and her and her husband (he is the brother of the woman who told us this story) became believers in Christ because of their son's miracle!!!! Soon, the woman speaking became a believer while visiting them and within the next few years the rest of her family began to believe in Christ as their Savior. It was so awesome to hear of this story. I've heard that 80% of believers here became believers because they had a vision or dream of Jesus. Isn't that amazing? In this instance, God used a miracle to draw this family to Himself. I'm in awe.


One fun little thing that we got to do is go to the public bath. It was very relaxing and fun! They exfoliate your whole body and then wash your whole body and then your hair. It was very refreshing to do that on our day off and have some resting time while connecting with one another (only girls, of course). We thought it was funny because we had been learning about taking off the old self and putting on the new self in Ephesians 4. We felt like we were taking off the old self by becoming free from the dirty, grimy dead skin (from being in the city) and putting on the new self (lotion)! It seemed like an appropriate analogy to our study. Plus, it was fun and restful.

Wednesday night we leave to go 12 hours south of here and we'll get to visit the ruins of the Eph church! I'm really looking forward to going. Pray for us as we debrief and prepare to come back into America. Also, I am still considering my future and if I will come back. One thing that has really got me thinking is how God will guide me. I read an article and, in summary, it said that it's better to draw closer to the Guide than ask for guidance because in doing so, guidance from the Guide will happen. And so that's what I've been doing. I want to know God more and more so that His direction for my life will be clear. With that said, I've been praying a lot and my tentative plan is to come back a year from now to do this same work and learn a lot of language. I will stay in touch with some friends from here and, hopefully, they can teach me language (especially pronunciation). Keep me in your prayers - that I can know the Guide and that guidance will follow.

I look forward to seeing you all when I get back!

Futbol, Cliff Diving, Sweet Convos & Job Opportunities

Merhaba! (Hello!)

Wow, there is much to mention from the last time I've written. It has been extremely exciting being here during the Euro Cup (soccer/futbol for those who don't know)!! Disclaimer: Read this paragraph for the play by play of the Euro Cupor skip ahead to the Summary section if you don't care. The first game was disappointing because we lost. Then, we beat the Swiss which was exciting, but not mind blowing. Last Sunday we were playing the Czech and we were predicted to lose. It was 0-2 and was not looking good...but then in the last 15 min, we scored 3 goals! It was amazing and, consequently, it was difficult to sleep at night. Car horns were our lullaby to such a sweet win. Then, we watched the quarterfinals game against Croatia (again, we're the underdog) at our mid-project retreat in the middle of the town we were at. There was a projection onto a screen and a few hundred people. It was so intense and then Croatia scored in the last minute (or so) of the game. People immediately started to file out. Then, in stoppage time we scored and it went into 2 overtime and we won in penalty kicks!!! Summary: We're one of the last four teams in the Euro Cup by winning at the last minute for some sweet upsets.

Needless to say, the atmosphere here has been very positive. People are coming together because the national team is doing so well unexpectedly! It is a good conversation builder to have when talking with new friends and I hope this week I'll get to watch this game with two of my new friends who love futbol.

This past weekend we took our mid-project retreat. We went to a more secluded part of the city and we basically hung out at a hotel on the Black Sea. It was good for relaxation and rejuvenation. One highlight of the weekend (besides the game) was swimming over to a small rocky island where we climbed up the rocks so we could go cliff diving. I don't have pictures yet, but it was amazing. The jump was about 30 feet and it was scary but exhilarating once I got the nerve to jump. It was beautiful to be swimming amidst God's wonderful creation since we don't see so much of that here in the heart of the city. It also built trust between teammates to be able to climb the rocks and trust that we would clear the ones below as they did...even though it didn't seem totally realistic!

Besides a few cool events going on, the normal routine of life has been good too. We have been making a lot of friends on campuses, in parks and in cafes. One day recently was pretty hard. My friend and I were pretty exhausted at the start and unmotivated to initiate any conversations at all. So, we sat down to talk and pray in the park before we headed out. Before we could even pray for our hearts to be motivated a girl sat down nearby and kind of in front of us. So, we both say hi and ask if she knows any English. She said she does and we started talking from there. The conversation was wonderful and we discussed a lot of spiritual topics. One of the big hot topics here is whether or not college students should be able to wear headscarves on campuses (right now it's illegal to). She is a covered woman who goes to an American university so that she can wear her headscarf there! Now that's commitment. She also prays five times a day in the mosque (which is rare to find here amongst university students) and so while we had tea with her, she invited us into the mosque (The Blue Mosque!!) and she showed us around telling us about her religion and explaining what people were doing. So we went inside and put on scarves so we could pray with her. It was quite an experience! And all of it happened while my friend and I were weak. God sure does like to show Himself strong - and He loves it when we're humble. He definitely humbled us by showing us that it's not by our efforts that the church will by built here - but by His will alone.

Lastly, I have been considering teaching here in the future at an international school. I don't know which one or even if it will work out, but I'm starting to seek it out. I'm getting names of schools and even Wednesday I took the afternoon to visit one of them. It may be possible for me to start there at the end of January. I would appreciate your prayers in this matter, especially because it's so soon and because I wasn't thinking about living abroad for a few more years. Six months is a lot shorter than 3-4 years! Plus, I don't even know if this is the place where I should invest my time or not long term.

Oh, one more thing. I want to thank anyone who has been praying for us as a team and for me. I have grown a ton in prayer (my mentor is always praying and I'm learning a lot from her) and I want to keep growing. Please be praying for me to be fervent in prayer, depending on God in faith for everything.

Euro Futbol

Okay so it's really cool to be here during the Euro Cup while they're playing. It was most disappointing when they lost on Saturday...everyone left (we were at a bar) when Portugal scored the second goal. It emptied out quickly and everyone went home. I'm hoping tonight they will win and if so, I'm sure I won't sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Usually honking can keep me up since we're in the city and honking is just a normal form of communication. I really want them to win and go into the single elimination time so we can watch more games with our new friends!

Settling In

My time here has been very full. It's been exhausting getting acclimated to a new culture and I've learned a ton of things. Language learning has been slow, but many people speak English so it's okay. The biggest problem is not knowing numbers, so eventually I learned those so I could pay for meals and groceries. I do know how to say "Take care of yourself" and I usually get lots of hugs and kisses when I say it :-). They greet and say goodbye to people they know well with a kiss on each cheek and a big hug. They are a very affectionate people, including men and friends hold hands in public. However, with their close affection comes a lack of desire for personal space. We've found ourselves really close to people on the streets and in the trams or buses - we protect our purses well in those times!

I'm really starting to get to know the area well. I get can around the neighborhood with ease now and I can generally eat out without too many communication issues. There are vendors everywhere and we call streets by their most prominate vendor...like book street, wedding gown street, shoe street, fish street, etc. and 2 other big streets are busy street and boys street (they sell only manly stuff). We live in a nice neighborhood that's known to be safe, and it's also located by the sea as I mentioned before. I go down the the sea nearly everyday and it's beautiful. There are parks down there and huge rocks to walk on. You can see the European side and you can see some nearby islands. This Saturday we're going to one of the islands to go bike riding, enjoy the view and talk with some of our new friends! I'm really excited and I plan on taking pics.

In general, our day schdules goes like this: in the morning we usually have something with our group - time to learn language, worship, or receive training. Then, we go to campuses and make friends starting convos with them at cafes or in parks. In the evenings we have Bible study, time with God, time with new friends, and coffee houses. The days can be pretty packed but they're lots of fun too. I don't feel terribly busy, but at the end of the day I'm always exhausted (in a good way) from going so many places.

Fun Facts for Friends

I've been thinking about you guys and here are some things I think some of you would care about:

On the flight from Germany to this city, we had fika! It consisted of coffee and a wonderful German chocolate bar.

The country director is australian. The interns have a list of words that they need translating for...I want to see that list :-)

Futbol stuff is everywhere and I SO can't wait for the Euro Cup. It's going to be awesome here.

Church was international and very very charismatic (but not usually this charismatic I hear).

Whenever I try to think of the language in my mind, I usually first think of the French that I know.